Soul Sauna - Hot Topics for the Soul

Consider-ate Perspectives

2009-11-13T09:32:00.000-08:00

Sitting in the sauna a couple of weeks ago, I heard my phone ring. The dispatcher at the limousine company I drive for asked if I wanted a one-way trip in our 14 passenger Excursion worth only one hour of pay and including a fair distance driving. She informed me that the people were, "probably going to be trouble". I interpreted this to mean high maintenance or discourteous in some way. She said they had been difficult to work with over the phone, and they would not honor the two hour minimum policy. I said I would take the trip.

As I was traveling to pick up the group, I admit I was a bit apprehensive and wondered what the trip would be like given the info I had received. I consciously try to let my own experience dictate my feelings and opinions, but you can't always ignore outside information.

When I arrived, it turned out this was a wedding party for a couple and their families originally from Guinea in western Africa. The initial discussion was a bit challenging due mostly to my apprehension and a bit of a language issue, but we soon established comfortable communication, and the next hour was a delight! These people smiled more than any group I've ever been in.

Turns out the evening was a reception style event which was the culmination of a lengthy courtship and wedding process. The couple were to be received at the destination and all was filmed and documented as usual. The party was genuinely thrilled to have gotten a ride in the limousine, and there were no less than three tapings while the party exited the vehicle. (They had to repeat twice due to lighting issues.)

The whole wedding party was dressed in beautiful dresses and suits. The long dresses had bright colorful patterns in rich materials, and the men's suits were of a very comfortable looking linen fabric with silver and glass sequin design accents. The Matriarch of the family also wore a large colorful headdress to denote her status, and her husband could not have looked more pleased with the whole affair. The two of them together acted as if they were still on their own honeymoon.

As I was standing watching the second and third tapings of the arrival, a boy of about 7, who had been very excited to ride in the limo, came up to me with a thoughtful look on his face and said,"Would you like to come inside and get something to eat?" I smiled and thanked him, but politely declined, explaining I needed to stay with the limo. He looked thoughtful some more and then asked,"Well ..... then shouldn't we go get you some food to bring out here?" The little guy stole my heart on the spot!

I again had to decline but made sure to let him know how much I appreciated his kindness. Then I spoke to the husband of the Matriarch again, and I said, "What a thoughtful little boy" to which he replied with a warm smile, "We raise them that way." And I thought, we could all do that!

I felt so glad to have been able to be a small part of such a joyous occasion. Just that one brief hour provided them with a chance to do something rare and fun which added to their already wonderful day, and provided me with a feeling of great contentment and satisfaction for just helping out and being around such happy people. I wished they had wanted to use the limo for another hour just so I could stay with them for a while longer.

Isn't it interesting how the perception of two separate people interacting with a common third party can be so vastly different. Our mood, environment, prejudices, past experiences, impressions, etc. are so subjective and personal that we can all see even the exact same event in very different ways and react with very different emotions. To one person, these folks were trouble. And to another they were an uplifting delight. Both perceptions equally valid and yet seemingly completely opposite.

A skilled networking expert once told me that you can always find something to appreciate about a person or group, even if you do not like to be around them. What an excellent way to change your perception of that person and the experience you have with them. Situations are almost always more enjoyable when you feel appreciation and gratitude, even for the simplest or smallest aspect of the interaction. If I had been the dispatcher in my real life example, I bet the phone conversation and my impression of the client would have been improved by simply remembering to appreciate the call regardless of the outcome.

Finding one or more things to appreciate each day, particularly about difficult or uncomfortable situations is a sure way to brighten our disposition and improve our outlook on life.

What perception in your life could be altered by using appreciation and gratitude?
Is there a person, friendly or not, with whom you can find something new to appreciate?
If so, could you communicate your appreciation (large or small) to them without any return expectation?
If you did tell them, would that expression relieve tension or stress for you and/or them?

Catching Up...or Am I?

2009-11-13T08:44:00.000-08:00

Wow, more than a month since the last post. Things keep moving and somehow little seems to change. I trust the under-workings are building foundation layers to support my brave, exciting and passion filled new life. Until then, I'm driving a limo.

Yep, transportation is a large part of my life, and really, probably a big part of everyone's life in more ways than one. A little over a month ago I started driving for a company in St. Paul to create cash flow and get some motion into my existence. It's a small company with a few town cars and a few stretch limousines. Business has been slow for a couple years for them, but they were looking for weekend warriors so I signed up. I've actually been driving as much during the week as the weekend, but you have to take what you can get. I suspect many folks are in different stages of survival mode right now.

The work is fairly enjoyable, the down time a little frustrating, and the money is acceptable... for now. I am grateful to have something, and tho the hours vary widely, at least there is flexibility and some freedom in between assignments to do as I please. Luckily, that means more sauna time of late, and we all know how I do enjoy the heat!

I found the hot soaks have been very much about just relaxing and sweating these last weeks, and there is a comfort in that for me. I've given myself a chance to turn off the "transformation machine", and just be for a while. Yes, there are moments when I get frustrated thinking I deserve more and shouldn't have to work so hard to get it. After all, I used to be an airline pilot for Pete's sake! And these feelings offer me moments to think about my ego and it's associated processes. (By the way, why does Pete get all the attention anyway?)

My thoughts have been going there a lot when driving because I transport many different individuals with their specific energies and attitudes. Some see me as just the controlling part of the vehicle and thus do not interact much. Some are even obviously scornful of my "position" in life. Others are curious and interested in me and what I do and how one becomes a chauffeur. Those trips go by the fastest because of the conversations, which I often really enjoy.

So I think about things like: where I am in life, and how I got to this point, and what it is about that I get angry sometimes because I'm not where I'd like to be. What do I deserve, and is deserving even the point? Am I really wasting my talents as a limo driver? And how can I simply drop the judgments and live now. Am I stressed out? And if so, what a blessing I don't perceive it too much, if you get my meaning. Perhaps I'm not consciously ready to know how stressed I may really be. Time will tell.

Thanksgiving holiday is rapidly approaching and I can't believe how fast time travels. Halloween seems like a distant memory and before I can wrap my head around it, Christmas will be here. I truly am amazed at how things fly by.

So that's the update from Soul Sauna land. I honestly wish I felt more was happening both visibly and deep down. Again, time will clarify somethings and blur others, but forward is the direction we always go (like it or not).

Question(s): Were are you going? How comfortable are you with your life's disposition? How comfortable could you allow yourself to be if you dropped all the comparisons and judgments? Do you deserve your life? Or do we all deserve the best of everything life has to offer? If you could transport yourself to somewhere, where would you go?

Happy Thanksgiving!

What's In It For Me? A Loaded Question.

2009-09-22T19:51:00.000-07:00

I attended a presentation tonight that really made me uncomfortable in a very personal way. That hot mental/spiritual debate kind of uncomfortable that results in me not being able to sit still for very long.

The presenter is a successful and well known executive coach and public speaker who travels the world practicing her art and presenting her material. My first challenge was to be open to the learning and wisdom she had to offer even tho I did not care for her speaking style. She seemed a bit into herself and her philosophy, and there was enough judgement in her words to get my attention. Interestingly, a good percentage of the audience, as observed by their comments and expressions, seemed to have her on some sort of pedestal - exact height unknown. Also, she used a PowerPoint projection, but was not familiar with it and fiddling with it broke her rhythm multiple times.

Once I was able to put aside the distractions, I paid attention to what she was offering. Sometimes only in concept rather than the exact words. She carries great enthusiasm for her work, and it is infectious. We were often laughing and enjoying an exchange of information within the group. Like most effective speakers I have observed, she truly believes in what she's saying and came across as very genuine.

Where I got uncomfortable was when ideas were spoken that do not match my own. I found myself competing internally between resisting the information as wrong or missing the mark, and accepting her right to her own place and experience in this life. At times a felt I knew more or better. Hello ego. Herein lies the first of several points of awareness I received about myself. Awareness being the key word here. To be aware and to be conscious are two different things. I am aware of my ego issues, but have not shifted into the consciousness of letting them go.

Many of her concepts did match my own, which brought up another question within. I know I have valuable things to offer people thru coaching and public speaking, but I wonder how much is my own take and how much is simply rearranged pieces picked up from other people. Are my thoughts unique enough to call my own with total integrity? I can think of several angles which I know to be of my own philosophy, and the talks I've done and the articles I've written have been well received, and yet I still have doubts.

Aha! There it is. I realize at this moment that I'm thinking about what I can offer in terms of where the credit should be given and what I can gain rather than the value it can hold for someone listening. If my intention is purely to provide information to help others, it doesn't matter who else may have thought or said it first. I have the awareness; now I want to transform it into my consciousness. Cool.

There are other aspects to the evening that kept me uncomfortable and working. One or two I may discuss a different time, but for now I'll jump to the end.

As the program got close to the end, I began using a tool I heard about at a networking gathering a month or so ago. It is the tool of appreciation. I consciously began to find the things I appreciated about the speaker. Her dynamism, positive attitude, joy, and her willingness to offer. And most notably, how much she provided for me by simply being there.

Along with some new perspectives on a couple ideas, the material she presented was already familiar to me. But the reactions I felt, the debates I entertained in my head, and the awareness I received as a result of her talk were quite enlightening and even profound. Proof positive that even the same-old same-old always has the potential to be something different.

Before I left, I made sure to take action and show my appreciation by thanking her for coming and telling her how thought provoking I found the presentation to be. I couldn't honestly tell her I enjoyed it, but I certainly see the value in the experience and am grateful for it.

There is much for me to absorb and integrate from tonight. Assuredly, some of it will lead from greater awareness to greater consciousness. So I've got that goin' for me, which is nice.

How about you?

What internal challenges do you find yourself facing from day to day?
Ever had an experience that had a totally unexpected outcome or benefit?
What awareness can you transform into consciousness?

Farewell and Welcome

2009-09-17T17:31:00.000-07:00

Oddly, during the last 2 months, I have enjoyed visiting the sauna more frequently than usual and blogged almost not at all. I have an idea or two as to why this has been.

First, I think I've just been sick and tired of focusing on change and evolution and transformation. Don't get me wrong, I've still been learning and exploring aspects of myself which could very well use a tweak; just doing so via things like writing, looking for work, studying new ways to market my business, researching book publishing possibilities, tele-classes, etc. And actually, believe it or not, we all have parts of our being that don't need anything. Simple understanding and awareness of them is evolution enough, a concept that's easy to forget if you get too wrapped up in introspective work. We all gotta live a little (or a lot).

It also occurs to me that it's time for finally saying farewell to the old, hashed over stuff, and say welcome to the new. Sure, it sounds obvious, sort of like that's the whole point. But really, I've been focusing a bit too much on what to get rid of instead of what to keep and what new to do next. If you only look down at your feet while walking, you'll see what's tripping you up, but you won't be able to balance for the next step. Something inside me wants to look up and run, not to get away, but to get going.

A while back, I blogged about listening to my old music simply for the enjoyment of the music, not longing for the memories it brought back. I still cherish the memories; they are uniquely mine and part of my journey, but I don't let them drag me into the past.

Yesterday, I was thinking about music from my school years. There were groups I didn't like back then that I do now, I think because they were just a part of growing up and what was happening in that time. The other groups I like from those years are the ones whose songs and style I really loved right away, and still do There were a bunch...I lost track of how many I could recall.

Now I find myself looking for new music and bands, but I don't seem to be able to find any which inspire or even interest me. I hope I find some soon because as write this, I realize that the tunes I've got on the ole' iPod are starting to feel hollow and empty. The beat goes on but the energy is draining away leaving an empty shell. I'm not trying for anything depressing here, just observing what came up in this moment. I'll keep my ears open for new stuff.

What are you ready to say farewell to in your life?
What are you ready to welcome in?
As you go thru life, are you looking at you shoes or focusing out front?

"Minnesota Nice".....and Sincere.

2009-07-28T22:21:00.000-07:00

I had just finished my workout and was getting ready to take a sauna when I overheard what has to be the quintessential "Minnesota Nice" conversation. I found myself chuckling after the brief encounter. Two men were passing each other in the locker room; one coming in and one going out. I didn't see them, but hear is what I heard (exclamation points are intentional):

"Hey! How are ya!?!"
"Hi! Good, real good, how are you?"
"Good, good! It's been a long time!"
"Yeah, a really long time, really long! How have you been?"
"Good, good! How 'bout you?"
"Oh, good, good! How are the kids?"
"Good, really good! How 'bout yours?"
"Oh good, good! One was sick recently, but good, good!"
"Hey, I gotta run, but it was great to see ya!"
"Yeah, great to see you too! Let's get together soon!"
"Sounds good! Let's do that!"
"All right, take care now!"
"Ok, you too, now! See ya later!"
"See ya later!"

The whole exchange lasted just a few short seconds. And the inflection in their voices was some combination of startled excitement, pleasant surprise, and "let's keep this short but polite and let's make sure we cover everything." Had the two been angry, the whole thing could have been a heated argument. The pitch of their voices and the hurried pace of their short sentences would have fit in either scenario. And I chuckled....this is Minnesota Nice at its finest.

As I replayed the short conversation in my head, a couple things occurred to me. Obviously, I was amused, but also amazed at the speed and dexterity with which they traded words. It was almost as if they had rehearsed it as a scene in some life-like play. Actually, I think they and many others have done just that. This is of course a stereotype, but how many of us have trained ourselves from an early age to have quick and seemingly shallow conversations just like this one. Aren't cultural customs interesting.

For example, in Minnesota, instead of "hello", we often say "How are you?" or "How's it goin'?" And how many of us have felt uncomfortable when that rare open person breaks the code and actually responds with something that's maybe not so good. "Well, ya know, not so great. You see, this deal happened the other day...." Oh my gosh, you're just being polite and saying hi, so what do you do now!?! Somehow, you have to act interested and concerned, but not spend any real time in the chat. A real balancing act here. A nice out is a previous commitment, real or created. "Wow, that's too bad!. Hey, I gotta run, but let's talk later and you can tell me about it. Take care." Whew, that was close.

But is it really as insincere as my satire may suggest? Sometimes, yes. But not always, I suspect.

Thru my coaching work I know for a fact that Minnesotans are pretty deep folks once you get past the "everything's ok" front. The problem is, somewhere way back it was decided, either consciously or not, that in our communities, telling someone about your troubles or concerns is somehow a burden to them and therefore impolite or incosiderate. Some even consider such an open expression as being weak and out of control. So many of us simply pretend everything is "A-OK" unless there is a specific understanding that it's all right to spill the beans. As tennis player Andre' Agassi's TV commercial used to say, "Image is everything."

Interestingly, the two gentleman of today's little play actually seemed to get something meaningful from their short verse. I didn't see them interact, but I could feel their energy, and there was an under-current of sincerity to it. Beneath the paper-thin facade, they genuinely were happy and excited to see each other. I imagine the "getting together soon" piece will never come to pass, but perhaps both men will enjoy something like a warm fuzzy and as a result have a better day. Sometimes it's just nice to see someone you haven't seen for a while, even if only for a few seconds.

My wife is not from Minnesota originally, and we've often talked about this cultural phenomenon. She finds it a bit irritating. In her neck of the woods, they say "Hey". And when they ask how you're doing, they usually really want to know! There are times when I intentionally ask how someone is doing with an expectation of hearing the real story. Often I'll get the standard response, so then I have to ask twice. Occasionally, this approach startles people and jolts them out of their usual pattern. I admit that's partly why I do it, but mostly it's because I'm interested and sense that the person would like to talk about something.

So rather than a question tonight, here's a challenge: Take note of how you greet people, and just once (or more if you want), take the time to find out how someone is really doing. Listen intently to their story and if need be, let them vent a bit. My bet is the other person will enjoy the chance to talk and appreciate your thoughtfulness. And you'd be surprised what you might learn, about them and about yourself.

I'd love to hear the results, so let's talk soon! Yeah, right.

Seriously, I would appreciate a comment on the blog. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Eric

"Q & A with the Creator" - from Feb. 2008

2009-07-08T11:20:00.000-07:00

In February of 2008, I spent 3 days completely alone to do some soul searching. During that time I did a fair amount of free writing, and one session yielded the following Q & A with Creator. It is as pertinent for me today as it was then. It is edited for the number of questions due to personal content. The rest is re-typed as originally written, and I hope you will find the dialogue to be useful.

"Q. (Me) Why am I writing this?
A. (Creator) Writing is a flow and can be accomplished easily and without much conscious thought. You need to let go your conscious process to tap into deeper experience. Yin is ready to receive from you and from universe. Be open & free of restriction & binding thought. Your need to control is strong and can be dissipated quickly if & when open to doing so. Fear is a key factor in all this movement, and escape of it is a really important piece. Find your inner satisfaction with what is. Be open to now.

Q. What is "now"?
A. Now is here. Fear is not now. Fear is then and there. Now is free. Walk openly through now to find peace. Why fight it? You do this with your daughter already. She is your guide. Harbor no grudges; hold no remorse or anxiety. Embrace love & life. It is all you have. Yes, your resources are greater than you think.

Q. What is my purpose?
A. Your purpose is many-fold. Your experience is limited but very full indeed. Your concern is interesting but unnecessary. Weave thoughts openly thru your existence to achieve understandings not necessarily desired or expected. Live & be free of worry or doubt. To flow with the field in harmony and creation. Feel what is to be felt and know what is to be known. You are human and immortal together. This can be difficult to reconcile before you're ready.

Q. Why do we agree to come down & experience such pain?
A. Our souls do not interpret pain in the same way our bodies & minds do. It is more an adventure that a state or emotion.

Q. Where does pain come form and why is it more attended to than love or joy?
A. The old field encouraged these processes. Be aware of the old ways within yourself. Shed when you can in favor of unfettered awareness & fulfillment.

Q. These answers are so nebulous...why?
A. You are not ready to receive all that is known.

Q. Will I ever be?
A. No.

Q. Why not?
A. Life is too full & profound to be totally aware of. Life as you use the word is not all life as it exists. There is life in between "lives" that is rich & full & totally different in design & experience. Do not be afraid to learn - do not be too eager either. You already know how looking forward can cause setbacks. Learn thru experience whenever possible. Be aware vs. beware.

Q. What kind of idealist am I? A. Total

Q. What is "TOTAL"?
A. Open to all possibility, chance, choice, no limits. You get frustrated when the ideal isn't met in life. Cares about judgement & completion still permeate your thoughts. Release the need to be "perfect". Acknowledge what is. You are perfect right now.

Q. Who am I?
A. An enlightened being struggling to identify a quantity and choice for comfortable being. You are specially designed for travel & discovery. Be enthralled with your essence. You are a god. Be godlike. A native son. Father of time. You are all things.

Q. Is my soul at peace?
A. Yes.

Q. Why am I not?
A. Haste, mistrust, averice, angst, fear, resolve, reluctance, indecision, pain, history, old ways.

Q. Who or What are you?
A. All things, myth, legend, reality, conjecture, creation. I am the source of light & love.

Q. What is life about?
A. Enjoyment, fulfillment, satisfaction, learning, living. It is a process without an end.

Q. Why so much pain for so long - no enjoyment there?
A. Mistake, sorry, undesirable, process.

Q. Why would a soul agree to such discomfort & intrusion?
A. Self-righteous, self-exploration, curiosity, ignorance, indifference, obligation, Karma, desire to learn. Soul does not actually experience pain, the physical body/energy does.

Q. Does the souls understand pain & discomfort and what it can mean?
A. Yes, tho not as you experience it. Souls are now aware of the implications & end result.

Q.Why can't souls eradicate "attached" energies and altered energy systems back to a "clean slate"?
A. Not necessary; it will happen in the new system/field.

Q. Why does the "process" seem so arduous & difficult?
A. It's an awakening and because the conscious is limited, it takes time to complete.

Q. Why is the conscious limited?
A. Safety, rationality.

Q. Do souls have the power to realign?
A. Yes.

Q. Why not just "realign" then & be in the new field?
A. Doesn't work that way. Karma is still a universal law - altho it acts differently in the new field. Honor contracts..." (and then I got frustrated and quit writing).

There are a ton of ideas and concepts to ponder here, but the main theme of the answers is to not give much attention to figuring things out. "Learn by experience whenever possible" is one of the most prominent pieces for me. My next writing session produced an article entitled "Living and Learning In The Moment". I posted it as a blog just prior to this entry for your review. The article presents the idea that we learn best by simply expereincing the moment, a naturally occuring ability which we are quickly taught as children to put aside in favor of thought and intellect.

What is the easiest way for you to tap into to your inner wisdom?
How much of "now" are you experiencing, and how much are you looking forward or backwards, away from now?

"Living and Learning In the Moment", an article

2009-07-08T11:14:00.000-07:00

In February of 2008, I wrote this article while sequestered for 3 days to do some soul searching. It was published in several formats in March, 2008 and I have re-printed it here for your review.

“Living and Learning In the Moment”

"My job as a Therapeutic Coach® and facilitator is to guide people to a point where they can choose to live in the moment. A point where they realize that asking “why” or “how” is not important or necessary because they experience both when simply staying present. Often we knowingly or unknowingly hold restrictions which prevent us from living in the moment. These restrictions are boxes that were created to structure our lives, and they are generally no longer necessary. I say generally because I myself, for example, have had indications that releasing mine all at once would not work well ecologically for me. And since I still haven’t let them all go I must assume the time is not yet right. However, I continue to allow the flow of consciously living in the moment more and more as the days move forward.

Early in my career, I experienced an interesting professional setback. I was striving to learn and do more in my practice by forcing the progression of myself, my talents, and my abilities. Thoughts heard inside my head were the likes of, “I know I can do that right now” or “I can do what she does, I’m just doing it with my own style.”

While these thoughts seemed true, I found that the harder I pushed to advance, the foggier and more inconsistent my abilities became, particularly my intuitive sense. My reaction was to take this “reigning in” pretty hard, and I didn’t really understand why it happened. Oh sure, there were many signs pointing to the reason, but I wasn’t yet ready to acknowledge and understand. Eventually, as I lessened the forward pressure, I did begin to understand. And it occurred to me that living in the moment can be described in a learning and experiential framework in this way.

When living in the moment, you are simultaneously learning by simply experiencing what is occurring. There are no thoughts of struggling, competing, or accomplishing. You stay present and realize what you are capable of by witnessing its manifestation and experiencing the sensations and emotions associated with it. And, you’re learning in a way that is fun, effortless, and often fascinating.

The implications of this type of learning are quite profound, especially for children, though not necessarily obvious to adults. Children live in the moment from the very beginning, until they are taught to do it differently. The boxes are put in place early for most kids, some of them seem unavoidable. They might include ideas about practicality, fiscal responsibility, social norms and expectations, productivity, and many others. Some of the boxes seem helpful in that they create a framework for living together and building our societies. Others are not so helpful. When the question “Why do we do that?” is answered with “Because we’ve always done that”, there is an arbitrary restriction placed on any options, choice, or flow associated with that action.

More and more educators are realizing that children and adults learn most effectively when exposed to an experience using all of their senses. Children, of course, instinctively know this and go about the business of learning in the most natural way right from the start. Hearing a bell sound as you see your own hand shaking a bright colored toy right before putting it in your own mouth is definitely “sensual” education. If encouraged and allowed, children will continue to learn in this experiential manner into adulthood and throughout their entire lives. My six year old attends a school employing a progressive education model based on experiential learning. She’s doing great, loves to learn, and she loves going to school!"

Nostalgia Be Gone - A Glimmer of Movement

2009-06-18T22:22:00.000-07:00

"Welcome to Blogskippers Anonymous, please introduce yourself." "Hi, I'm Eric, and I'm a Blogskipper." (everyone) "Hi Eric. Welcome to BA."

Honestly, I've been blogging less lately cause the weather has been so nice, I've been getting outside more.....and I also haven't felt like doing it. There, I said it. It happens sometimes.

Now, a few of you out there probably saw that "BA" and thought "bad attitude". Of course I know the reason for this, but for everyone else, here's the deal.

For quite some time now, I've often complained, actually raged, that I keep hearing the same advice about how to move forward with my personal journey in a way that feels powerful and passionate to me. I'm not getting much of that lately, or at least I can't see it right now. And the whole concept of how our energy and the living field are set up doesn't make sense to me in some ways. I'm a former airline pilot and part of my psyche still loves knowing how and why, and likes to plan for things and feel in control. Just about everyone says to let all that go and just allow life to unfold and flow in the ways essential to me. Great advice, but so far I'm feeling more like a back-water than the main current if you catch my drift.

Part of my griping has been about how things "used to be" and how much better they seemed than stuff is now. My sauna experience tonight had to do with that nostalgic funk I sometimes get into. After my workout, I was asking my inner wisdom whether or not tonight was a good sauna night or if I'd be better served by showering and going home. You see, I actually do a fair amount of listening to my intuition, but for some reason I limit it to helping other people or to my own smaller items. The answer was "go home".

Just then, a song started playing thru my headphones; one that has strong ties for me to a time gone by. I immediately started to feel that familiar longing for the past. It also occurred to me that the nostalgic melancholy might be the reason my inner voice was telling me to go home. So I asked, and by golly, that was it. My soul knew that wallowing around somewhere two and a half decades ago wasn't going to be helpful or productive now.

So I took a moment to be grateful for the awareness and set a clear intention to enjoy the music in this moment without slipping back to days gone by. Then I checked in for a new verdict on the hot box, and sure enough, my soak was back on. Woo Hoo! I do enjoy my sauna time.

I spent a few less minutes in there than usual. After all, Summer is finally here and I was plenty warm already from being outside today. And I listened to a lot of familiar old songs, but I released their energetic connections to the past and just enjoyed the music.

With gratitude, I acknowledge the awareness received tonight and the evidence it provides that I'm actually still making progress in my own transformation, even if the current is flowing deeper than I "see" at the moment. The information I got came in a way that I noticed seemed obvious and clear, which is the way I prefer it to arrive.

I also acknowledge with gratitude and appreciation, those people in my life who have listened to my rants (whether they wanted to or not), and offered heartfelt advice and continued support. Thank you.

Food for thought:

Do you ever feel like your wisdom flow has stopped or even backed up?
If so, how do you respond?
Are there clues you can notice which shed some light on what's happening?
Who are the people who support and love you, even when you rant and rage?
When is the last time you stopped to acknowledge and thank them?

The Power of Relationships - part #2

2009-05-21T21:07:00.000-07:00

If you have not read "The Power of Relationships - part #1", please stop and do so now. For this post to make any sense, you need to have been presented with the information in the previous one first.

So don't read any further until you've gone back.

Make sure you've had time to think about the last entry.

Yes, I'm spreading out the text so you aren't tempted to read what's below first.

Seriously, read part #1 before going any further.

Done?

OK, here goes part #2.

Ask yourself the following questions. Then go back and read entry #1 in the context of your answers. Be curious about what new meaning your answers give to the content.

Questions:
Do the "strong bonding" relationships I referred to allow you to be yourself?
Or, do those relationships exist because we choose to simply be ourselves?
Isn't it true that we choose to create and participate in all of our own relationships?
What implications does this have for the whole of our lives?

The Power of Relationships - part #1

2009-05-19T19:57:00.000-07:00

Saunas without music....seems to be a new angle for me to get ideas. Yes, I forgot to charge my iPod battery. It's ready for next time tho.

I baked longer than usual yesterday. Maybe the sauna was a few degrees cooler. Maybe I needed extra warmth. Or maybe the awareness I received in the last 5 minutes just needed more time to incubate. Whatever the reason, I had an interesting illumination.

For many a year now, I have often thought how disappointing it has been that I haven't made many friends with whom I am as close as I was to my old high school buds, some of which I am still fairly close to today. I always chalked it up to the power of bonding during those formative teen years. And I certainly still think it has a big influence. However, there is something more.

As parents, we all give attention to the idea that our child needs to grow and be their own person, not just become what we think they should be. Some spend more effort cultivating this result than others, but no matter how objective and flexible we are, there is something different about how our children act when they're not around us, particularly when they are with their friends. And this is when something really magical happens.

As a teenager hanging out with my friends, usually I felt comfortable, unrestricted, young, and energized, like I had my own life. Perhaps at that age you also felt more confident, braver, willing to try new things, and a little mischievous. You could make your own decisions and say more of what you really felt. In short, you could be yourself.

Strong friendships are important, but what is most notable is what they allow. They provide the space to explore being you. If you're like me, you needed that space to learn about things like how to get to know a best friend, how to find your place in a group, and of course dating. Parents can show you some steps in the right direction, but there is a point at which you have to go it alone. Ultimately, it is you that gets to live your life.

And so it continues thru adulthood. The relationships are arguably more complex and can teach us a great deal more. What it all boils down to is whether or not your relationships provide that comfort zone where you can truly be yourself. Another way to think of it is this. If you are truly yourself, what happens to the relationship? Does it resist embracing your uniqueness or does it grow stronger as you embody your own awesome identity?

These questions are not asked lightly, for the implications are significant and can be unsettling. However, even if the answers are be unexpected, there is always choice in how we proceed.

So, for someone like me who has not developed many deep friendships in my post high school years, what's the catch? Have I focused too much on friendship itself rather than what it supports and encourages in me? Have I not displayed enough of my true self to attract the type of friendships I desire? What would happen if I acted of my own essence all the time?

All I can say is, I'll do my best to find out!

Processing......Enough Already!

2009-05-16T13:50:00.000-07:00

I went to fire up my little musical wonder today for my workout, and the battery was dead. Great. Oh well, you work with what'cha got. And pleasantly, I found it to be a nice change from the wall of sound that insulates me from the world when I listen.

The workout was mostly stretching. I feel a different brand of energy bubbling within, and honestly it is not completely comfortable. I'm told I am opening to a greater flow of creative juice and releasing contractions that restrict my energetic core. Nice to hear, even tho I don't have much of a clue about what I will do with it. So the conclusion here is that I've been processing thru things which have now resolved to a point where I'm ready to flow significantly more than before. Sounds good.

As I was sitting musicless in the sauna, I was thinking how I didn't have my tunes to provide the conscious distraction which allows inner thoughts to emerge. I felt like it would be harder to work thru new stuff. And then I realized, I'm sick and tired of working thru stuff! Enough with the processing already!!

With this new awareness, I gave myself permission to just be. If I had aha's or inner wisdom come thru, well fine, but if not, just as fine, maybe even better. So there I sat, enjoying the heat, no music, sweating out some of the sweets I've been eating lately, and not trying to work on anything. It was great! No pressure, no expectation, no results other than relaxation. I think I will do that more often and just live a little instead of always wondering what's next on the "to do" list.

It occurs to me that we really only need to actively look at our processes when we encounter a situation we'd like to alter or transform. Otherwise, the processing continues, but we can just let it happen without paying particular attention to it. Perhaps this is just another way to say "living in the moment".

That sounds good to me.

How often do you give yourself permission to just be? To just live and trust that the necessary and appropriate processing continues without supervision?
How many ways can you say "living in the moment"?

My Eulogy

2009-05-10T22:17:00.000-07:00

Strange entry, this one. After I finished downloading the information for my last presentation (see my last blog entry), I asked if there was anything else I needed to write. The answer was yes, I needed to write my eulogy.

Now trust me, I'm not dying in the literal sense. To the contrary, I feel as tho things are beginning to come alive like they haven't for a very long time. While the process has often seemed painfully slow and frustrating, it somehow proceeds none the less.

So here is the comment on my passing from one understanding of life to the next.

"My Eulogy"

"Speed on, pilot of the soul. Yours is to the world another one gone out. Feel strength from your inner being, as your outer being is no more. Disregard and discard the trappings of old, keeping no more than lessons learned and vital growth. Speak of yourself no more. Expand to the greatest heights of experience and be free of unnecessary dullings. Yours is the power of energy and light, open to all options at once. What is life? So much more than a body and brain. Honor all and attach to none. If yours was unsatisfactory, then be it so. But not anymore. What would be the point? Fear be gone. Such a worthless conjuring. There is no danger to the soul.

Goodbye is really not goodbye, just changing form. “Until next time” may be more appropriate. Your experience “just was”, as you endeavored to “just be”. Some was missed, all was retained and every ounce useful, tho some totally unnecessary. What of it? Every touch, every kiss, every thought, every nuance took shape for an instant and somehow forever, yet only if we hold it there. Even now, old patterns remain, waiting to be fully understood and released. Thank you and so long. The essence of them and you compared, to see what fits with your greater purpose.

Notice the aloneness is gone; as is any belief you were ever alone. It is not possible. Rejoice as you can in the freedom and reunion. Time is of no consequence, as the process is time; is space; is everything; and is complete. Call it knowing or trust, but all is, and wants for nothing. Just Be.

Speed on, pilot of the soul."

I wonder, are we often unaware of our own death and rebirth as we go thru existence?

Perception & Reality - An Interpretation

2009-05-09T22:39:00.000-07:00

While preparing for the presentation I gave last Thursday evening, I took a few moments to quiet myself and ask what information my heart (rather than my brain) felt would be most beneficial for my audience and myself. The following is what came out on the page and became the main focus of my discussion.

"Perception & Reality"

"It is not necessary to know the difference between perception and reality. What we each feel is substantial and real, fortified by what we see, hear, feel and experience. Foundations are solid and strong to support our place in the world. Forever are we locked into the thoughts and conjurings we create due to their power and influence. Flow is essential. Can you listen? What is it that matters? Where are we going? Can our perceptions take us there? Yes! Where reality ends is where perception begins. Freedom to perceive is a gift. We can enhance or detract from reality. We often force our thoughts onto the pattern of our lives. We are bounded by beliefs and other structures which limit our existence – detract. The more we open to flow and release objections, the more we transform and come alive - enhance. Prepare to be astounded, to receive, to wonder, to explore. Be as active as you can and as least reactive as possible. Life is a journey and a process. It is easy to get distracted and stop the process by reacting. Hold with the process and attach to nothing else. Free experience is easy and efficient and cheap. Bring what you know as a witness to accentuate new learnings. Fire the managers of fear and gloom. Be present.

What of Love? Can it conquer all? No. It need not conquer because that is no longer Love. Love is a powerful force of subtlety and encouragement. Dwell in the Love, and conquering gives way to enfolding and acceptance. Shape your existence in the form of Love, because those who can Love unconditionally thrive in the flow of the universe."

There is enough here to ponder for hours and days, maybe much longer. My one hour presentation time frame was easily filled, and the feedback was that everyone perceived value in the material and conversation. The full discussion can be seen on the web at www.youtube.com/ejstrodthoff and is entitled, "Your Perception, Your Reality - A discussion of what is true in our lives." As with all life learnings, new related insights will continue to appear, arising from deeper and deeper levels as time goes by. I'll be curious to see what opens up next.

For now, a few "quick" questions:
What role do you play in creating your existence?
How much responsibility do you have for your own happiness?
How much does what you believe affect your perception of the world?

Memories of Today

2009-04-30T11:01:00.000-07:00

Today's post is just a regular blog of something cool I've been thinking about. Not received during a sauna soak, but hey, my insights come when they're ready, no matter where I am.

When my daughter was born in May of 2002, we decided to buy a video camera. We got the kind that records onto a DV mini cassette, and I'm still using the same camera to film everyday life and my work presentations, etc. The challenge is in viewing the recordings. We either have to watch them right on the small camera screen or transfer them to a more usable format like DVD. So I borrowed a friends DVD burner and set to work letting the camera run the full 30 hours of tapes we've accumulated, which is the only way to transfer the videos.

I put two hours worth on each DVD and watched little snippets here and there just for fun. I started with the most recent and worked my way back to the 18th day of my daughters life. Most of the recordings are focused around her, and I found myself alternately laughing and getting misty. My little girl is almost seven now, and the years have flown by. The films are great because I saw things about her and others that I had forgotten. Precious things which I never want to forget again, which is why these images are so important to me. Early speech, first steps, hair lengths, clothes, pudgy cheeks, smiles and laughter, and the list goes on.

And then, somewhere in 2004, it hit me. For several years now, I have been missing some big opportunities for enjoyment of my life, particularly with my daughter. I thought of all the times when she has wanted to do something with me and I've been sluggish and lazy about taking action and doing whatever it might be. I'm finding it difficult to explain my reactions better, but let's just say enthusiasm has not always been the response. And why not? Because it often felt inconvenient.

During the last seven years, many people have heard me say that the parenting issues we experience are a result of us, not our daughter. It is our response to her doing what a child naturally does that creates the joy...and the pain. When we stay present and curious and in wonderment, parenting is easy, yes I said easy, and can be lots of fun. When we're inflexible and allow ourselves to be "inconvenienced", things get sticky and we usually end up acting and parenting in ways we wish we didn't.

I have a friend who claims she is a slow processor. Well, seven years later, I finally got the learning and let it soak in to my core. Watching those short moments and memories on video showed me how much more I can experience the joy and fun of parenting and of just living. Life can be perceived on a continuum somewhere between strict limitation and rigidity at one extreme and flexibility and flow at the other. The more flexible and flowing we are, the more we are present and allow ourselves to experience the wonder of life.

So when my daughter approaches me while I'm doing something, I can perceive an interruption, or I can welcome the contact while feeling grateful and excited that she is a precious and awesome part of my life. What neat thing will she show me? What cute phrase will she speak? What fun activity or project does she want company for? What adventure does she want to create? I get to find out!

The beauty of this awareness is that I can apply it to every aspect of my life. While it is difficult to do so at every turn, I can certainly set the intention to be curious about what each moment of life brings my way. And I can also trust that life will never send me anything I can't handle. What adventures will I create?

What adventures can you create?
Will you exercise your option to be more flexible and curious?
Which limits do you really need, and which ones can you release?

The Wall of Sound

2009-04-28T22:11:00.000-07:00

Having just gotten home from the club, I'm still cooling down after being in the hot box for 25 minutes. My idea for this blog congealed this evening around many thoughts and ponderings I've had over the last months. You know how sometimes before you get the full concept of something, you get little nudges, hints, and inklings but not enough to grab onto? Well that's what I'm talking about here. Finally the pieces all came together.

The Wall of Sound is a music production technique developed by record producer Phil Spector in the sixties, and continues to be used in pop and rock music today. (Don't worry, there is not a test afterwards.) The idea is to create a full and rich sound with good reverberation. I find this kind of sound to be very pleasing to my ear most of the time. Consequently, a lot of the tunes I listen to in the sauna employ the technique. Where is he going with this, you're wondering. Well, I'll tell you.

But first, you may recall a blog where I mentioned the distraction aspect of working the cold calls at the insurance agency, and how it opened up a door to my fire and motivation to get my coaching business going. I realized tonight, the music I play in the sauna has a very similar effect, particularly if the songs use the Wall of Sound. Said songs are usually the ones during which I pay less attention to the words and allow the sound to move me. It also distracts me in a way that allows creative thoughts to flow, surface, and congeal. (I know, I used it twice now)

There's another cool effect that takes place with this kind of music as well. When I first got hired at a commercial airline way back when, I flew a commuter plane called the Metroliner. A real pilot's airplane if you ask me and I loved it. But it was noisy....and hot in the summer and cold in the winter and cramped and the passengers hated it and called it a "puddle jumper" which I hated....but the point is the noise.

We pilots generally wore earplugs and full headsets to be able to hear air traffic control and each other as well as block out the noise. Most days I had my sunglasses on as well and the combination of all this headgear made me feel like I was wearing a fighter pilots helmet. If you've ever seen the movie Top Gun, you know what I mean. I flew that way for so many hours that when I moved to a quieter plane and didn't need all the gear, I felt a little naked and exposed. (I got used to the change very quickly however.)

Interestingly, the music I now listen to is sort of like the helmet I used to feel like I was wearing. Only instead of just blocking out noise, it walls out the rest of the world. It creates a vibrational barrier between me and everything else which facilitates my meditations and inner discovery. Now, you thoughtful types out there are probably saying, "Oh, he's created an escape!" Yes, I recall times when it has provided me some moments of peace that were all about "getting away". And I think that's all right. Life can be stressful. We all need a little quiet escape every now and again, so why not.

For me, only about 20% of my experiences have been escapes and the rest were energetically fruitful, you could say. Now I can be aware of which is which when I take my heat soaks. Each time is valuable in many ways. Sometimes, on the coldest winter day, it just feels darn good to be in a hot and relaxing place where you get warmed all the way thru. Reminds me of sitting in front of the fire in a ski chalet after an all day ski in really cold weather.....but another blog post for that.

A query: Do you prefer to escape or meditate? Are they the same thing? Do you ever meditate about what you're escaping from? What kinds of walls are around you, and what do they keep out?

My Path Companion and Gratitude

2009-04-07T10:00:00.000-07:00

I could have been shot dead by now.

This according to two friends of mine regarding my marriage and my role in it the last few years.

It was meant partially as a joke, but the metaphor is quite powerful. There is truth here.... and it did not go unnoticed.

Personal transformations can be difficult, unsettling, and often confusing. They involve the potential (whether realized or not) to see large changes occur in your life. When I say large, I mean large like moving your home, quitting a secure job to follow your passion, creating additional income, and altering relationships.

My transformation process for the last 5 or 6 years has involved a couple of the changes mentioned and many others as well. The short version goes like this. Five years ago, I was an airline pilot for United Airlines working out of Chicago. Due to the "911" event and a subsequent company bankruptcy, my quality of life as a United pilot was in the dumper. Schedules were requiring maximum time away from home, and commuting from Minneapolis to Chicago didn't help. My daughter was 2 then, and it was clear that my family life was going to suffer for a long time if something didn't change. Even tho I asked really nicely for better schedules, United said take it or leave it, so I left it.

The next years involved a combination of efforting to find new sources of income and efforting to find passion for something new in my life. Lots of effort all the way around and ultimately lots of dollars spent on businesses and trainings with very little income to show as a result. Financially, not a good mix. And spiritually, the mix didn't feel any better. I had, and still have, large philosophical questions about where I am, where we all are, how we got here, why things are so difficult, etc., etc. I would frequently get bogged down in angry rants about how it all didn't make any sense and that I shouldn't have to work so hard to understand, only to be frustrated and disappointed. Taking the victim stance, I wasn't able to engage in anything "productive". The hardest part was I had the impression I may never really get answers to these large questions, and maybe that's the indication there isn't a need to know. But I was using part of my old pilot mentality; sort of a "need to know" approach.

Eventually, I found the "juice", the motivation, and yes the passion for my coaching practice. Long time coming, but nice to have it finally arrive. Which brings us up to now. We're broke, renting a temporary place after moving twice in a year, starting a new business in earnest in a down economy, continuing our personal growth processes, raising our daughter, and stretching ourselves to the limit in many different ways.

And all along this interesting, frustrating, enraging, freeing, captivating, maddening, and somehow useful process, there is my wife, supporting me every step of the way.

I can imaging some of the difficulty she has experienced watching me struggle and complain and flounder and languish in my process. She has shown me compassion, caring, fear, anxiety, stress, encouragement, resentment, pain, anger, guidance, trust, and ultimately unconditional love. She has witnessed with me the breaking down of old patterns and barriers while sometimes not having a clue about what the replacement will be. For both of us, holding trust in the universal energy to keep us on our essential paths without knowing the course can at times be relieving and at other times excruciating. Thru all of our troubles, issues, and transformations, somehow, she is still behind me 100%.

So here I still am. Not shot dead; much to the contrary. Whether she considered such an act, I have my doubts. She is the strongest person I have ever known, and rarely entertains such thoughts. Examining our relationship however, is an ongoing discussion and this is a good thing.

To say I am grateful for Shannon is an over-simplification of the greatest magnitude. What she brings to me and our relationship and the world is amazing. And tho I don't always remember to be grateful, she is a gift beyond measure. Many partners would have left the relationship way before now, but Shannon is still my wife, my companion, my soul mate. Thank you Shannon, I love you.

Food for thought:

For whom in your life have you remembered to be grateful?
Have you told them recently?
What judgements did you make after reading the first two lines of this blog post?

Moving Gets Motion - "Action!"

2009-03-18T07:42:00.000-07:00

One of the things I like best about the sauna experience is noticing how the workout beforehand gets my energy moving. After the workout is when I turn up the temperature and sweat off stress, muscle tension, etc. It's a slow time physically, but energetically I can really feel the movement. Perhaps the tiredness and heat I feel are distractions for my brain. That's probably why I do some of my best soul work and enjoy meditative time so much in the sauna.

Last September, after my daughter was back in school, I was aware of how stuck I felt and how there wasn't much moving for me physically or energetically. The situation was very frustrating and had been building for the better part of a year, maybe longer. Making matters worse was the fact that I am the type of person who can become more and more sedentary when there just isn't a lot driving my activity. This may sound obvious, but there are others who, when faced with nothing to do, get antsy or anxious and as a result go find a new task or activity. Not me. I have the potential to really get stuck, and not happy about it either. I think I benefit from these quiet "down" times on an occasional and even frequent basis. Long stretches however, can be significantly less beneficial.

As I was talking with a friend, the conversation turned to how busy he was at his office. He had his annual renewal processes to attend to, several new accounts to establish, and on top of that, his department head was just returning part time after treatment for cancer, so my friend was handling extra duties for him. We agreed I was a good candidate for some temporary work with an option to become a full time sales producer after the first of the year, so I started with him in October.

Things went really well. I was getting out of the house to a new environment, changing the view/perspective, using my brain a bit, and working with an old friend. Nice. The energy was starting to flow again as got moving again.

As January neared its end, I had learned enough to feel comfortable taking the producer spot. I took some classes to get licensed which was a little like airline training, at least in the classroom portion. The information comes at you like "drinking from a fire hose". An intense process, but familiar and exciting in its own way. I really did enjoy the training experiences during my 12 years as a commercial pilot. Any airline people reading this are surely shaking their heads and thinking I'm nuts. And I may very well be, but that's a topic for another discussion.

So I'm working along in my office, which incidentally had a great big window and a nice view, and doing mostly cold calling which everyone loves....NOT! As the days passed, I realized that as I was performing sales related tasks, my thoughts were actually forming around ideas for building my coaching practice. Pretty soon, the balance shifted away from sales entirely. Things had not gone well to that point anyway, and my loathing of cold calling was solidly reinforced.

So I made the decision to quit, and focus all my efforts on my coaching practice, starting with a series of presentations beginning March 26th. It really feels great! There is a surge of energy that I haven't felt for a long time. I actually feel motivated to get out there and promote the business of helping people while doing something authentic to my soul. In addition to the presentation prep work, I've written two articles, one of which can be seen in the previous blog entry. And I've begun rewriting my website and bringing it up to date.

Somewhere deep down I think I knew all along that the sales position was not going to be for me. But, taking action in that direction got me unstuck and able to see what essential steps I did want to take and what I do want to pursue.

What is important to remember is that moving toward something, anything, is often a huge catalyst to illuminating the true path we are meant to take. The path we can travel while being true to our own essence. We don't have to know all the answers ahead of time. If we trust and then act as the next authentic step presents itself, the journey often is easier and a lot more fun! Being flexible to the changes that come with altering your course is the key.

In my case, the sales spot was about the only thing going at that time, so it became a mental and analytical decision to take it. Once I got started, sales became a distraction for my conscious mind so my unconscious could show me what was happening underneath. And so, I'm on my way!

And now, something to ponder:

How much of a role does your conscious mind play in making life choices?
How much do you allow yourself to imagine what a next step will "feel " like?
Perhaps you could do with a little distraction. How does that feel?

"10 Biggest Roadblocks to Personal Transformation" - an article

2009-03-05T09:25:00.000-08:00

I've recently written an article which I will be submitting for publication. It was not inspired by a sauna visit, but the content is about some ideas that can make people sweat and even overheat so I included it here for review.

"The 10 Biggest Roadblocks To Personal Transformation"

by Eric J. Strodthoff CTC, MHT

"Personal transformation is the process of changing or growing an aspect of ourselves. I’m talking about looking inside to gain new perspectives and insight about who we are and what we want our lives to be. The process usually involves assessing goals, re-aligning values, and exploring our spirituality or fulfillment of our life’s purpose. Often we make a choice to examine our current state; and sometimes we feel pushed. For example, with today’s declined economy, we struggle to manage employment and financial pressures on top of everything else we’re processing.

In my experiences as a Certified Therapeutic Coach, I have had the honor of facilitating changes with amazing people in all different stages of transformation. One client was experiencing time passing him by, and as a result felt he wasn’t able to get things done. After working together for several sessions, he was able to alter his perception of time. He realized he was “in the driver’s seat” and became calm, noticeably less stressed, and more comfortable with his tasks and what he was accomplishing. One of the most exciting parts of transformation is seeing options and possibilities that were not illuminated before.

There are undoubtedly an infinite number of difficulties people may encounter when endeavoring to create change in their lives. Outlined below are ten of the most common roadblocks I have observed. Let’s dive right in.

1. “Therapy” is a four letter word. For many people, there is a real stigma around the word therapy, as if it’s only for truly disturbed people who can’t make it on their own. Well, I’ve got news for you, we all need help sometimes. And something as simple as having a lively discussion with friends on a Friday night can be considered therapeutic. Whether it’s session work, a conversation with a good friend, or communing with nature, therapy goes by many names and is really about finding ways to fully experience life. Some of us just happen to do it for a living.

2. Big issues require big resources to transform. People sometimes struggle with issues for months, years, or even whole lifetimes before they are ready to make a change. It’s easy to think that since the issue is a long standing one that the process to transform it will involve a huge amount of time, effort and money. In reality, there is not a direct relationship between the length or intensity of an issue and the effort it takes to resolve it. Simply put, personal transformation can be relatively quick and easy, and even fun.

3. Trying to change a habit or behavior instead of the underlying cause. This is sometimes referred to as “the tail wagging the dog.” Many times we try to stop a habit or behavior by saying, “don’t do that anymore”, or “when you feel the urge, do something else instead.” This approach ignores the thought patterns and processes that are creating the behavior in the first place, and as a result, the behavior is usually very difficult to permanently change. And by the way, there is a lot of excellence built into those patterns which we can use to build a different process and a new outcome.

4. Forgetting to set an outcome or goal (only using “move-away” strategies). Since we know that a behavior will change much more easily if we address the patterns that create it, then we need to make sure we have a desirable outcome to accompany the rearranged pattern. If we only set a goal to move away from a certain state of being, then we tend to revisit that state cyclically until we give ourselves a different one to move toward. Example: A woman says, “I don’t want to be poor.” She proceeds to go out and make a sizable amount of money, only to one day find herself penniless again. Because she only said what she didn’t want, this cycle may repeat itself indefinitely. A carefully chosen outcome can make all the difference in the world.

5. Asking “why”. The question “why” is often heard in troubling situations. “Why did this happen?” “Why am I stuck here?” “Why do I keep getting myself into this position?” The answers to these types of questions may provide useful information; most often, they do not. When we ask “why”, it tends to send down roots which anchor that scenario even more solidly, reinforcing what we already want to change. Acknowledging the fact that you are here now, and that there was an event at some point that helped get you here is important. Reliving the event or digging up all the details is usually not. After acknowledging the now, then ask “how” you want things to be different and “how” they can be changed.

6. Shaming and blaming ourselves and others for our situation. When we blame, we place judgment on whoever we’re blaming. To do so not only lowers our energy, it also keeps us looking backwards and prevents us from seeing options and possibilities right now. It is very reasonable to want people to be responsible for their actions without feeling they’re “bad” if they don’t. Our best option is to forgive. Forgiveness is about releasing the restrictive thoughts and energy we’re holding on to about something or someone. By forgiving, we free up that energy to be used for something else, and we can come back to experiencing this current moment.

7. Giving away personal power. Often we give up our own power and responsibility and let external factors take control of our existence. What we’re really saying is, “It’s out of my control and I can’t do anything about it.” As long as we let that be our truth, we get pushed through life and we don’t allow ourselves to move and live from the essence of our being. The resulting anger, sadness, and frustration can fester inside us causing distress and pain. We need to free our “trapped” energy, accept responsibility for our lives, and re-gain authorship of our life story.

8. Over-analyzing the situation. We spend a lot of time thinking with our heads when we’d be better off feeling what’s in our hearts. The brain is a wonderfully powerful and creative organ that plays a strong and useful role in our consciousness. But if we allow it to run the whole show, we often create road blocks and hurdles for ourselves. Too much thinking and analyzing can lead to the need for brute force and sheer will to overcome the obstacles we’ve created. The trick is to be curious about what’s happening. If we stay curious, we can allow things to flow and manifest easily and naturally in the moment.

9. Forgetting to be grateful for the benefits of every situation. When our state of being feels uncomfortable or difficult, it is very easy to judge whatever the causes are as bad or negative. And yes, we want those “bad” things to go away as soon as possible. However, every situation, no matter how distasteful, has a beneficial aspect to it. This may be one of the hardest concepts of change to employ, but there is always something in there that has been helpful. A life lesson we receive, a natural defense mechanism that kept us from being overwhelmed, or perhaps an energy pattern that held us back in some way, but at the same time kept us from taking chances that might have gotten us hurt or killed. Gratitude is easy to forget in difficult times.

10. We feel stuck and unable to change. This scenario involves several of the other ideas discussed in this article. When we find ourselves frequently thinking about what we’d like to change or considering other states of being, there is a very good chance that we’re ready to make a change. Unfortunately, we believe that we can’t move, that we don’t have the ability to change, or that what we want isn’t ever going to become reality. Maybe we’ve given up our personal power or perhaps we keep asking “why”, but the result is that we truly feel stuck and can’t see any options, so we don’t transform. Good news….there are always options. If you can open up to that idea, then you’ve already begun the process.

So there you have the top 10 most common roadblocks in the way of lasting personal change. All of them can quickly be removed, and awareness of them is an important step on your path of transformation.

Perhaps the most important aid in transformational work is proper breathing. We so commonly forget to breathe that I mention it in almost every session I facilitate. The use of your breath is not only life sustaining, but also a powerful clearing technique. When times get stressful, fear starts to creep in, our muscles start to tighten, thought capacity begins to diminish, and we tend to hold our breath. And I can’t remember a single time in my life when constricted breathing felt good. In fact, it‘s downright counter-productive! Stop for a moment to inhale deeply and exhale several times. As soon as you do, you can feel the fear and stress begin to dissipate. Then set an intention to breathe regularly as you work through the situation. It’s never disappointing how much better I feel when I remember to just breathe."

© March, 2009 Eric J. Strodthoff

Which, if any, of the "10 Biggest" have you encountered on you path of personal transformation?

Legacies - "It's Good To Be The King"

2009-03-03T18:54:00.000-08:00

Let's get the trivial stuff out of the way. I returned the amazing (or so I thought) new device they call an iPod Nano version 3. The playback speed just wasn't cuttin' it. And of course, I was hooked on the small size and convenience of it, so I upgraded to Nano version 4. Yes, I paid the additional $50 bucks, and I'm still not convinced the darn thing is playing all the songs at the right speed. Many of you are undoubtedly thinking it's all in my head and I'm just imagining the speed differences. Well, I have a history of perceiving these types of minor discrepancies, and I've been proven right almost every time. I'm keeping the little bugger anyway....nuff said.

So I'm enjoying a little heat this afternoon. Not as much as I usually like because the sauna wasn't up to full heat, but it still felt good. As you may have noticed, it's been several months since my last entry, meaning I haven't been able to get sweaty much lately. I sure do enjoy it when I do get in there tho. And I'm listening to one of my older cd's, only on iPod so no bulky machine. Yes! Some of the songs are new tho, since with the digital wonder by my side, I was able to add songs that didn't fit on the discs. Pretty soon I'm rockin' to the King. That's right, Elvis. "Oh Baby!" It kinda made me want a bacon cheeseburger with fries and a shake right then, but I digress.

The song was "A little less conversation", and it became a number one hit decades after the king was de-throned. Now, I've been to Graceland, and as dated as the place is, what it represents is still amazing to me. And apparently to many others as well. The worshippers flock there all year round and especially on the anniversary of his death. There are people who love him that weren't even born yet when he had "left the building" for the last time. And again, how many artists have number one hits posthumously? Not too many. You can probably count them on one hand. I think John Lennon did, and I'm not a music history buff, so there may be more. And do you know, there is a music store across the street from the mansion that sells nothing but Elvis tunes in various formats which is as large as some music stores that sell hundreds of artists work. Again, no history buff, but I do know that Elvis Presley continues to be one of the top 5 best selling artists every year, and he's usually number one or two! Nirvana beat him in '07 because Courtney Love sold the rights to their music for $50 million dollars. Elvis only (yeah only) sold about $20 million I believe. Rough year for the dead guys.

So I'm wondering, what kind of energy does a person have to embody to create this kind of following and legacy. There's got to be something' pretty special involved to make this work.

I wonder how it would feel to have people tear up instantly upon hearing my voice. Actually, sometimes people do cry when they hear my voice....if I'm singing....cause it ain't pretty. But this is a different kind of crying.....moving on.

I got a little sad at this point in my bake. Times have been difficult for a while now, as with many, many people I know. What I realized was I used to dream of creating Elvis style fame and fortune for myself. Do I have that kind of energy tho? Deep down, I think we all do, but how deep down is it buried under everything I'm working thru? And was the dream for the "right" reasons? Nowadays my focus more often seems to be on just getting thru the day. I won't go into detail so I don't turn y'all away, but things aren't where I thought they would be at this age (42 if you must know; almost 43 in April. I have lots of gift ideas...call me).

The good news is, shortly after my sadness began, I had a very powerful feeling of pride for my wife and daughter. They're great and I am fortunate to be with them, to be loved by them, and to learn from them every day. It ain't all peaches and cream, but there are other fruits I like better anyway! I'm a lucky man.

When I take time to indulge, I still occasionally dream of creating wealth and a certain (large) amount of success for myself. For different reasons tho. Before, it was about fame, a fair amount of greed, and recognition/acceptance; a lot of ego stuff. Now things are different. Oh sure, I haven't completely eschewed all the old ideas about it, but now the underlying motivation is about making a difference; contributing to the lives of others as well as my own and my family's. Dr. Wayne Dyer was on PBS one evening, and a remark he made really impacted me. He was speaking about something that involved his home. And he said,"We live on Maui." Interestingly, the audience seemed to respond in an unexpected and very positive way, like "Way to go!" Then he put out his hand palm up, giving credit to the audience, and said to them, "Thank you."

That's when I realized something very important. It's OK to help yourself while helping other people. Simple, yet profound for me. You can say Dr. Dyer is "famous", and he certainly is wealthy. But those aren't the goals of his efforts. In his books and lectures, he is offering something to anyone who wants to accept it. And because his message is clear and positive, and his energy is grounded and sincere, he has helped people in their lives. He has also become very successful (wealthy, etc.....many words fit here). A win-win scenario if I ever heard one. And he is grateful.

I still want a lot of those things from my old dreams; they're in the new dreams too. But I want them so I can live the life I choose, not be defined by my lifestyle. And I especially want to always be grateful for the people and things in my life. This one is a biggie, and it ain't always easy to do, at least not for me. When times are tough, the confusion, anger, and sadness can cloud the reality of what's really important and what's really possible. We're here to learn many things in this life. And even tho I resist the notion, I know the learning process is often difficult and uncomfortable. My brain says,"Why does it have to be so hard? Just give me the knowledge and understanding so I can assimilate it and move on already!" But it doesn't work that way. Awareness is the beginning, and then the transformation process can begin in earnest so that we feel and experience the change. That's how we truly know at the soul level that something is different. Oh, it would be great if things were always simple and easy, but they aren't, at least not yet (dropping my resistance would assuredly allow it to be somewhat easier).

There's probably a better than average chance I'll get where I think I want to be....at some point. I'm remembering gratitude here when I say, I hope it's sooner than later. And I do know that once I get there, there will be somewhere new to get to. That's life. And that's also the good news. Life doesn't stop when you achieve a certain level of success or wealth or personal satisfaction or comfort. Life also continues when times are tough and you want something better. We keep moving, hopefully living in the moment so the baggage drops away and we can experience life in the fullest. Let's keep working on that, shall we?

Let me ask you:

How do your dreams today compare to your dreams of past years?
What's your motivation to get where you think you want to go?
What if you turned off your will power, stayed curious, and allowed your soul to determine your life's path?

Sauna Slow Jam 2

2008-11-30T18:16:00.000-08:00

So I call Apple and ask about the playback speed on my new iPod Nano. After some discussion and repetition due to the lack of English familiarity on the part of the rep in India, I'm instructed to set the volume control on iTunes to 100% and sync the iPod.

Of course, how silly of me not to think of the volume control when troubleshooting the playback speed. Duh! Wait, what did I just type?

And it worked. Technology is great when it works, just don't try to figure out how or why. There is wisdom with far reaching implications here.

What do you make of all this?

Sauna SlowJam

2008-11-21T08:48:00.000-08:00

I thought I must have been mistaken.

I'm soakin' up the heat and sampling from selections on my highly prized new iPod Nano. And I'm thinking,"These tunes are draggin' along!" They literally sound as tho they are playing at about 85% of normal speed. So I'm wondering, how can this be? It's proven technology. Its all digital. There's no setting to adjust for play back speed (and who would want to change that anyway?). And of course, the battery is charged. What's going on here!

So I listen to the same songs on iTunes on my computer at home and also cross referenced the play times advertised vs. actual. Sure enough, this little marvel of modern inginuity is screwed up. Amazing.

I'll update this less than satisfactory situation in the near future.

Question for me: Is this yet another indication that the music is waning in importance? Is the music becoming a distraction, rather than an aid?

Sultry Sauna Sounds

2008-11-20T11:00:00.000-08:00

--This first section is from a draft begun in August, 2008. I decided to go ahead and post it, even tho it is not complete, and then add further comments afterward--

As I've mentioned, music and heat mix to help create the meditative state which often works so well for me to process, receive, or just be. Probably not an uncommon combination for some of those who can find the time to devote a little attention to self occasionally. The types of songs and singers I have chosen over the years however, may be quite unique. Some of the more prominent artists I have enjoyed in the sauna may sound like anything but relaxing or tantric. There's somethin' about 'em tho. Something about the sounds they blend, the layers they weave together, the rhythms they employ, the energy they express and exude. Two of probably the most interesting examples are David Lee Roth of Van Halen fame, and Billy Idol.

David Lee Roth was an early on favorite for my sweating excursions. I was a Van Halen fan from the beginning, and Diamond Dave rocks. He put out an album years back called "The Best". Its a best of collection from his solo work, all blues tunes, and I've probably heard all 20 songs at least as many times. One that got played even more is called "Sensible Shoes". Of course, I know it by heart and I love to sing along, but only when no one else is in the sauna. Voice lessons first, then public singing....maybe. To this day, I still can't put my finger on what it is about that song that held my attention for so long. The words tell of a man who has just about everything; money, cars, popularity, friends, etc. Yet he's still blue because, as he sings it, "Lost my soul when I walked out on you, I need some sensible shoes."

To hear all the words, you immediately think of the literal or obvious messages they provide. There is so much more beneath tho, that sometimes registers partially, but never quite gets full awareness. The song often conjures up feelings of seeking or searching. For what, I don't yet know. I'll keep listening.

Billy Idol. Now there's an easy meditation connection right? No? Well, I just grab what grabs as I'm leaving for the club, so what can I say. His album, "Vital Idol" has some extended play versions of songs which pulled me in. "Forgot To Be A Lover" is a good example. The radio version isn't one I ever really enjoyed that much. But I found myself listening to the long song, and particularly one middle section where the tracks are broken down to the basics. Strong rhythm, some chord changes, minimal content. Then, slowly, each track is reintroduced until you pop back into the main theme full tilt. It was mesmerizing. I had to listen a few times to get into the right state, but then it was like I would drift into a whole other world. The beat became a pulse and the chord changes guided me deeper and deeper, while I consciously observed and wondered about what I was experiencing. Images would appear and then morph, dreamlike, into new ones. Then I might start to notice a common thread in the images, or maybe a thought would just pop in.

Pretty soon, the music would crescendo back up to the main compilation and bring me back with it. At that point, I often had a new clarity or a new perspective that I hadn't considered before.

--fast forward to today, Nov. 20th, 2008--

There are many artists and songs which are uniquely intriguing to me that I have enjoyed over the years. Perhaps I will write of them at a different time. My guess is I will have other ideas that are more current to consider. For now, the new iPod is in my workout bag, the music is rapidly changing due to the new flexibility I have over the old CD player, and an odd development is occurring. I'm seemingly losing interest in listening to music during my sauna's. Sure. I finally get the new gadget, and I may not need it anymore. Another lesson in flexibility and eliminating attachments? Probably. A challenge in managing frustration and the desire to know why? Definitely. The less I think, the less frustrated I get, so, turn off the brain. At least the analytical and controlling part. It is getting easier the more I practice.

Perhaps the listening is just one aspect in a changing life that has been important and prominent at times, but is now ready to be released in favor of something else. The shear length of time I have been listening while baking is one of the aspects of it that make me a little resistant to let the transience be a possibility. It's been like an old friend; comforting and known. Am I thru with music in the sauna? That remains to be seen. I'll endeavor to listen to my heart before each session and see whether I'll then be listening to music as well.

I had a thought along those same lines just a few days ago. My friend Todd and I have begun the challenging sport of rock climbing at Lifetime Fitness where we are both members. It's fun, exciting and a great workout. I really like it and want to be doing it a lot more than I am able to allot time for it. I was thinking about climbing when I suddenly wondered, "How long will I be into this, and what will it feel like to not have the desire anymore?" There was some fear and a little gripping feeling like, "I want to hang on to this; don't let the desire slip away; what if I've invested a lot in it; should I spend the time if I don't continue doing it long term?" Right away I noticed the "should" in there and realized I was holding on a little tight (interesting parallel to climbing, yes?).

It then occurred to me that it really doesn't matter how long I do this sport, as long as I enjoy the climbing while I'm doing it. There's no mandatory duration based on how much I learn or how far I go with it. Expectations of this nature are not necessary, and they can sometimes lead to disappointment if they are not met when other activities get prioritized. Then I thought, hey, life is like that too. I can remember many times when I had been missing some of the fun because I was thinking about and anticipating the end of the activity or event. No doubt, it can be difficult when "good" things are over. Sadness, frustration, disappointment, even anger are real and valid emotional responses to change. But to plan on them ahead of time makes them more powerful and, arguably, more destructive than they need be. Maybe disruptive is a better word than destructive; you decide.

And anyway, who's to say that something better won't come along in the changes. Maybe the next thing will be thrilling and joyful and make you laugh out loud uncontrollably. Sweet! There are possibilities that we never consider or even imagine which, if allowed to manifest, can go light years beyond "pleasantly surprised". If I stay present and curious, there's a good chance I will be amazed and delighted at what comes next. Maybe the next thing after indoor climbing is real outdoor rock climbing, or repelling, or white water kayaking, or something totally different! I'm gonna wait and see what happens. (Todd will be really happy to read this, he's a bit of a sports nut and always looking for adventure. Someday I may even get him to go skydiving!)

Is there anything you're doing in life because you feel you're expected to (by others or yourself)? Do you still want to, and if not, is it necessary to continue? What would happen if you stopped? What might you do instead?

And is there anything you're not doing because of those same type of expectations? What if you started doing something with the idea that you'll only do it as long as its fun? Does this idea add to the excitement? Does it take some of the pressure off? Do you feel more likely to get started with it?

Have fun finding out!

Hot New Electronics

2008-11-08T18:49:00.000-08:00

Well, I finally did it. I bought an iPod. And let me tell you (as if most of you didn't already know), it is nice! The old CD player had been dropped once too often and was eating batteries at an alarming rate. It was either pony up for a technological upgrade or spend almost as much on a new disc machine and then the continue replacing the batteries every so often. I chose to pony up.

I first used the new contraption (do I sound like my Dad here or what?) a day or two after the election and was quite excited about it. The iPod worked well and offers so much flexibility in what I can listen to, all at the touch of a wheel. Instead of just the one disc available at a time, I was skippin' back and forth and all around amongst 6 or 8 albums and several of my own collections. Cool man.

The workout was good and the sauna was hot as usual. Many thoughts were jumping in and out of my head while sweating and listening. They were seemingly random, kinda like the song selections I was making. I considered the marvel that is the always changing technology available to us now. I assessed whether the iPod clip for the waist band or the arm band would suit me best. I wondered in what direction the president elect would lead the country once inaugurated in January. I pictured how well my daughter would do on her very first ever spelling test the next Friday (she aced it by the way). Lots of thoughts; not any real cohesion or pattern to them that I discerned. The session lasted about 25 minutes and then I needed to cool off.

Later that night, I opened an e-mail from a friend informing me that a new blog post was available for my reading pleasure. I was pleased to see the e-mail because I wondered what was up with this person. She's a staunch Obama supporter, and I figured I'd get multiple ecstatic e-mails and one or more phone calls after he won the election. I hadn't, and when I read her blog I knew why. I wasn't ready for the reaction I had.

Seems she is experiencing a profound balancing and centering which coincided with the election result. Her blog was beautifully written and moving in its content and message. I was and am genuinely glad for her new found inner peace.....and then I thought, great, when do I get my major breakthru!? Hello ego. When do I get to move forward with some new found inner wisdom and be in a place of balance and clarity? I felt like I was going to be left behind in the transformation of the world. You should know, there are other people I trust and go to for guidance that are also heavily involved in helping move the energy of our people and the planet. They are so in touch anyway, but now are really revved up and making great contributions to the world. I was reviewing all of the events of the recent few days and came to the conclusion that for me to be excited about an iPod was pretty ridiculous. What the h**l difference did that make in the grand scheme of things?

Well, within minutes, I was feeling really low, bordering on full out depression. I couldn't see how I was going to make any noteworthy contribution to the world....ever. And I was jealous of my friend's personal success and my professional affiliates' efforts and successes as well. And Obama is going to lead this huge energetic shift.....what about me!?! What could I possibly have to offer? It felt really crappy. It is interesting to note that I was aware of what was happening in an objective, observer kind of way throughout the whole event. I new my ego was reacting to everything, and of course that realization made it feel even worse. No contribution or recognition, and disappointment in knowing I wasn't as evolved as I thought in removing my ego's not so beneficial attributes. Woe is me.

Then, just at the perfect moment, my sister called. She has been having some serious difficulties as of late, and we have been keeping in closer touch than usual. Through all of her hard times, she manages to keep in relatively good spirits and maintains a great sense of humor, all the while caring for a three year old little boy who is a challenge and a delight. It was the perfect moment because hearing her voice saved me from sinking too deeply into my own personal disillusioned state. If she could handle tough times in such a positive way, what was I complaining about. I had so much to be thankful for regardless of whether or not I ever got into a public role. And I knew I had contributed already. I'm a father, a husband, a healer, a friend, a brother, and much more. We all contribute to the world in a vaulable way by just being here and doing what we do everyday. My sister offered something I think is right on. She said if my iPod is what excites me, then that's what's important for me at that moment for my life. Why would that be less valid than cheering for a new president or anything else if it truly feels exciting? Even in her troubled times, she is able to offer insightful and useful perspectives, and for me, it really hit home.

So rather than depressed, I am grateful. Grateful for many things which include a wonderful sister, a loving wife, a smart and lovely child, a centered and balanced friend who can be a role model for me, and the excitement of having a new way to play my music in the sauna. I know sometime, hopefully soon, I will begin contributing to the world in a bigger, more expansive way. Even then, it will be important to contribute in the same ways I already do. I don't want to change it all, just add to the repertoire. And I will ask my ego to support me in the ways I need it to rather than in ways that make me compare and try to get ahead. I was going to say, be humble, but that too is a comparison and a judgement. Perhaps that is a discussion for another time, but suffice it to say that I don't think arrogance or humility apply when you're able to live in the moment; to Just Be.

What do you get excited about? What experiences, large or small, provide you with joy, a sense of fullfilment, or pure satisfaction? Do you take the time to just enjoy those feelings or do you allow the "bigger picture" to dictate their value? If you don't usually, take the time, if only a moment, to acknowledge those feelings when they arrive. You will be pleasantly surprised.

Hot and Bothered

2008-10-26T20:06:00.000-07:00

My sauna time is time fairly well guarded, because there isn't anywhere like it for me. As I've mentioned before, it's my place to shut out the rest of the world and just be, usually listening to music.

Well, one afternoon last week, I was beginning my sweat when three gentlemen came into the sauna. It was obvious very soon that my music was never going to be loud enough to cover the voice of one guy in particular, and I had arrived only shortly before they did, so there I was. Well I wasn't about to short change myself on heat, so I found myself a little irritated and basically forced to listen in.

The men were all somewhere around 65 to 70 years old. The loud talker dominated the conversation, and he was describing a situation involving his love of one of the baseball teams in Chicago. Seems he has been a fan for decades and can name the team roster and staff from the 1959 team by heart. May have been a pennant winner, I'm not sure. Since his retirement, he has begun collecting team memorabilia as a hobby. As he continued to talk, I began to think about how people sometimes define their lives by devoting significant amounts of time, and sometimes money, to sporting events and teams. We've all heard the term "football widow" for example. Come Sunday in the fall, you know where you can find "Bob". And don't even think about scheduling anything else with "Bob" for that afternoon, cause it just ain't gonna happen.

As I began sifting thru all the things a day in front of the big screen involves; food, friends, team spirit, rivalry (both friendly and sometimes not), etc., what kept coming back as the main focus of the event was the competition. One team against the other struggling for power, domination, reputation, bragging rights, fear of ridicule when you're team loses the game, etc. You might be saying, well duh! But it seems important to state, even if it looks obvious. Why is this important? Well, I'm getting to that.

Used to be that opposition, competition, taking sides, trying to get ahead of the perceived opponent was a reflection of the energetic system we lived in. The dualistic nature of things meant that polarization, dueling, feuds, and sheer will power to succeed were how things got done and how people made their way in the world. Survival of the fittest. Concurrently, people often would define their lives and themselves by how many games they had won, how many opponents had been cast aside, how many realms had been conquered. Theses happenings were often considered the most relevant and valued indicators and mileposts along the road of life.

Today, we find ourselves in a new energetic system. One in which will power and high mental processing seem to make it more difficult to succeed. One that functions optimally on cooperation, good will, and love. A system in which trying to make things happen is becoming more and more difficult, and staying present and working with the environmental energy is the key. In many ways, the new system is easier. You don't have to know everything, you still set goals, you still plan ahead, but not nearly as extensively or detailed, and, if you practice being aware, the next step comes naturally and effortlessly. It takes practice to allow the path to unfold, as opposed to creating it all yourself, but from what I have experienced when I've been able to let it flow, it works very well. I wish I could say I've mastered the art, but there is always something to learn, there are always surprises, and the journey continues every moment.

So what of our sports enthusiasts and fanatics? How will this new system affect the games, the players, and the spectators? Will the games continue as competition is redefined in a way that flows with the new energy? Maybe. Will players and fans simply stay enthusiastic out of a love for the action rather than the outcome? Perhaps. Will competitive gaming disappear altogether in favor of more cooperative and congenial activities? I wonder. And lastly, will people define themselves and their existences differently, relying less on achievements and more on current experiences? Will they feel it necessary to define themselves at all? It remains to be seen, and I don't have a crystal ball to find out (I'm pretty sure that's a big responsibility I wouldn't want anyway). We'll just have to allow it all to unfold naturally.

So what are the important milestones in your life? What is relevant and valuable for your existence? What would happen if you set your goals and then let the path show you how to achieve them?

Keeping Cool When the Heat Is On

2008-10-23T19:41:00.000-07:00

Seems like all my time soaking up the heat in the sauna has paid off in an unexpected way. Today, I gave a 30 minute talk to a grief group to offer new ideas about dealing with loss and grief. Sounds simple enough, but if you're me, traditionally this would really make me sweat.

I got a call last Spring from the organizer of this series which is presented weekly for 8 weeks total. She had seen my ad in one of the local magazines and wondered if I would be interested in speaking the week of October 23rd. I accepted thinking, "its months away, and by then maybe I'll actually be able to speak to a group." All the while knowing I was dreading the whole concept. For any of my Class J friends reading this, I know what you're thinking. "This guy bombed during a 15 minute speech in coaching class, how did he think this was going to work?" Honestly, I had no clue.

So the months went by and every now and then I'd remember the engagement and the fear I felt towards it. I mean, who was I to offer anything to a seniors group dealing with the loss of a spouse or another family member? Grief is a heavy topic for many, and especially those potentially wondering how long they themselves might have left. I'm no kid, but I'm no senior citizen either. How could I possibly relate? "Don't think about that right now, its still a long ways off."

The last year of my life and particularly June, July, and August have been the worst experience I've ever been thru and there were many times when I wondered what the heck it was all for. Personal transformation is supposed to be about enjoying more of life, not sinking into anger, sadness, fear, and depression, right? Well believe me, I went to those places and stayed for what seemed a really long time. There were moments of enjoyment and sometimes fun, but they were always tinged by perceived pressures and stress. I always knew I had to go back to the hard times. And of course it didn't help that I hadn't earned a paycheck in over 4 years. The wife was more than a little stressed about our financial situation. Somehow, I didn't sweat that portion nearly as much as she.

I had one particular rant process that I got caught in and repeated many times dealing with large philosophical issues of what's the point, why did things get so rough, and how could all this be allowed to happen, etc. Big questions; lots of thinking and wanting to know why. A very mentally oriented progression.

Then I began to realize, part of me was wanting to stay mad and depressed and lost. In that perverse way we humans sometimes act, I felt more comfortable in the crappy states than I did venturing out into the unknown, so I just stayed put. The real kicker was when I understood that despite my best efforts, I couldn't stay mad, and I'll be darned if I didn't feel kinda OK a good portion of the time! So what now?

A couple of things happened. First, we moved our home close to downtown Minneapolis and significantly downsized our belongings pile (shedding is good). Second, I took a job with a friend of mine. It's temporary and doesn't pay what I'm really worth, but I am grateful for the income, the opportunity to get going again, and the camaraderie. So, less attachment, less stuff, no more moping around feeling like a victim. Now we're getting somewhere.

And then the grief group presentation drew near. What I realized was something a good friend put very nicely into words. During all the hard times and despair, there were changes and transformations occurring which I wasn't aware of consciously. Oh, I hoped they were happening, and I wanted to believe they were happening, but I just couldn't see them happening. And then I noticed something else. I wasn't the slightest bit nervous about the talk I was to give. I was even heard once to say that it was "only 30 minutes". Wow. New outlook there. Used to be, 5 minutes was unbearable. And obviously, we all have something to offer any group we might be involved with. I just had to let things flow.

Today was the day. I had a few little jitters right before the talk, but I was confident and ready. Part of my approach was to think of the group as people rather than an audience, and that I was just going to have a "conversation" with them. That took a lot of the pressure off for me. It went really well! I was confident, relaxed, and comfortable beyond anything I'd ever experienced before. The group seemed very interested in my information, and the feedback was positive and encouraging. One gentleman even stated that I was really smooth! Who woulda thought? And I think I'll get at least one client out of it. I even got paid to speak! Super!

I'm thinking this is a turning point for my life and career. I don't really know what steps are next, but that's really the point. If I put out there what I want and allow the natural abundance and resources to provide it, then I don't need to know until I actually step out. I have a few ideas, and it will be interesting to see which work out. And I feel great today! Perhaps many great feeling days are coming.....oooo that will be nice. I'm ready for that, baby!

My last observation in all this is to see that my sense of loss and grieving thru all of my difficult times helped me to relate to the topic and more importantly to the people in their time of loss and pain. It is my sincere hope that I was able to offer them something useful and meaningful for their lives.

So, what might you be processing and transforming in the midst life's other events? Do you know what you want and what thrills you?

Heating Up Again - Finally

2008-09-25T13:57:00.000-07:00

"Welcome back to the sauna" I thought as I stepped in today for the first time in weeks. I was excited to be exercising and allowing myself some quality alone time after not doing it for some time. Felt darn good! The workout was pretty decent, but the sauna was wonderful. I do so enjoy the experience.

Many, many changes for me lately, continuing the ongoing "transformations" so many are experiencing these days. Something must be happening because on Monday, I enjoyed a whole day of something that has been scarce for quite a while. I was inexplicably happy. No known cause or event to attribute it to, just happy and noticing the happiness also. At times I was openly laughing or just giggling about the smallest things. It was great! The laughing is important for more than just the obvious reasons. I learned recently that what I formerly thought was a nervous laugh, which would occur at the most interesting and sometimes uncomfortable times, is actually a "laugh of truth". When I have an awareness that resonates with my essence, often the laugh comes with it. Nice! Could a sign or signal be more perfect? I don't think so. I love it!

So there I am, sweatin' in the hot box, listenin' to the tunes of the day. I chose my first workout CD which I've heard at least 25 times. I compiled a list of songs and burned a disk for my listening pleasure. I have several. I had been listening during the workout portion too, but I found the songs which came on in the sauna to be most thought provoking. In order they were: "Roll with the Changes" by REO, "Middle of the Road" by The Pretenders, "Can't Get There From Here" by R.E.M., "I Know A Little" by Lynyrd Skynyrd, and "Dream Police" by Cheap Trick. Yes, yes, I'm an 80's boy. It's amazing when you realize things that seem so obvious, and have been right there in front of you for a long time. How did I chose so many songs that speak to my current situation before I even knew what my current situation was? How long has my unconscious been trying to tell me this stuff.

For example: Roll With the Changes; could the concept be more obviously helpful when transforming? I'm trying to allow myself to do just that. Middle of the Road; I love the lyrics. "Middle of the road, it's trying to find me. I'm standing in the middle of life with my pants behind me." Finding balance and being centered, things I'm also trying to allow. So then I start thinking about how a lead singer or any talented person gets to do those awesome gigs. My guess is that you simply ask yourself, "What am I good at that I can tell others about to get a gig (note I didn't say job) that I love and pays well?" You figure it out and then you go tell people, and since you know its true, you can sell it/yourself fairly easily. Did Krissy Hind do that? So the real question is, what am I good at? I'm a good coach, but that hasn't panned out yet. I need income, preferably lots. Life is abundant, yes?

Back to the list. "Can't Get There From Here". Ever notice the chorus has the lead singing "Can't get there from here." and the background sings "I'll get there, I know the way." To me this is a classic conscious/mental restriction pattern saying I can't do it. The unconscious is underneath saying "I'll do it, I know how" and simply waiting for the brain to get out of the way. How many things is this true for in my life. More than I can currently remember. Next came "I Know A Little". The lyrics say "I know a little 'bout love, baby I'll guess the rest." Two possible hints for me here. First, don't get over confident in what you know, thinking you'll be lucky the rest of the way. Thinking is usually where I get distracted or sidetracked, rather than flowing with the field energy. Second, and kind of opposite but still appropriate, I know enough to understand I the concept of love, and I can just experience and learn more in the moment as it comes along. Both messages seem important to me.

Lastly there was "Dream Police". I love this song and have since it was first recorded. "The dream police, they live inside of my head. The dream police, they come to pee in my bed." "They're looking for me, they're waiting for me. Every single night, they're driving me insane, those men inside my brain." Fun song, and it points me right back to the old mental aspect of my life. I was a pilot for 20 years. Talk about a mental job, with all the regulations and rules and airplane systems to know, my gosh. I was an expert at compartmentalization (word point). I was an excellent aviator. Problem is, I don't fly anymore, and those old brain/mental patterns sometimes get in the way of that allowing I keep mentioning. The song says to me that trying to figure things out instead of just living life is holding me back from having lots of those happy days like the one I had Monday. This of course is not a new concept, but when I get it in my heart, then it gains meaning and perspective. I still find the "no need to know" process to be difficult to live, and I continue to move forward with it. Was the Happy Monday a tease or a taste? I don't really need to know, but I did ask myself anyway. I'm just not waiting for the answer, I've got other things to live.

No final question today, it seems complete right here.

Saunas and Stereotypes

2008-08-08T13:44:00.000-07:00

After my workout last evening, I headed for the sauna as I often do. Personal time is at a premium these days, so I feel lucky to get these opportunities and find that I even sometimes extend them purposely to savor the solitude. The wooden paneled room was hot as usual. It's a dry sauna which I prefer because I find it easier to breathe in dry heat. The thermometer sits right around 85Celsius or 170 Fahrenheit. Pretty dang hot!

I'd been disappointed earlier in the evening to find my CD player (yes, the "so 90's" machine) was out of juice, so no tunes tonight. While I wasn't happy about it, going with the flow does sometimes occur and I continued my routine. I had been in the sauna for 5 or 6 minutes when three men came in. They didn't exactly look Somalian, but very dark skin and alternately speaking a foreign language and English. I was curious to learn more when I overheard them commenting about how hot it was in the sauna.

Now being a Caucasian man from Minnesota, it seemed curious to me that these gentlemen were not handling the heat very well, and I was loving it. Tho I try to be as open and unbiased as I can, my hidden stereotypes kicked in and limited the options I had for perceiving the situation. I simply assumed they were from some hot and arid place in the world. Silly me. In my own defense, later on one of the men did say he had never seen snow before and was looking forward to it!

I struck up a conversation with the three and learned that they were from, of all places, New Zealand! Coincidental (if you believe in coincidence) since my wife is waiting to hear whether or not she has received a Fellowship from the University of Otago in southern New Zealand. We traded information about our respective homelands and had a nice, eye opening, but short conversation (they couldn't stay long because of the heat). Did you know New Zealand is 1500 miles from Australia? I thought it was a lot closer. There's a lot you can learn in a short conversation if you're being curious.

Suffice it to say, there's obviously a pattern of stereotyping that exists within me which would probably be good to address and release. Simple, everyday occurrences can show us so much about ourselves and how we perceive the world. It's amazing what a few restrictive patterns can do to our perception of an event or situation. At first, these three men seemed very different and almost unreachable, even tho they were sitting within arms length of me. When I was able to stay curious and remove some of my filters, they immediately became three friendly and engaging people with whom I already had something in common! Small world? You bet!

Is there anyone in your life about whom you know things, even if those things have never been observed or talked about? How did you decide they were true?

What would happen if you "forgot" all you think you know about them and got to know them while being open and curious and staying in the moment?

Alternative Heat Sources

2008-08-03T21:34:00.000-07:00

While the sauna is a great place for me to unwind, meditate, and just be, I find there are other ways to purposely or inadvertently turn up the heat in my life. Today, such an event occurred, inadvertently. As I look back on my busy day, it seems almost as tho the whole thing was planned, even orchestrated....somehow.....by someone .....perhaps me. Hindsight is usually pretty clear, altho I hesitate to use the ole' 20/20 cliche, because sometimes you see but you do not get clarity, at least not right away.

The issue at hand was me acting from a place of my own essence, something I'm learning to do. I find this lesson easy to understand and not so easy to employ. Relationships, partnerships, career positions, etc. can and often do become intricately intertwined. And when one party changes behavior, well all h**l can break loose. If the behavior change is a result of an intention which serves the "changer" in a positive way, then the short term uncomfortability or pain is usually worth the shift. It doesn't always make it easy or enjoyable to experience, but call it an investment for the future. When we act of our own essence, we ultimately feel more ourselves, more genuine and authentic. Our surrounding space and people recognize the shift on one or more levels immediately and must adjust their behavior accordingly. For them it can feel shocking, hurtful, even vindictive, but also refreshing, invigorating, and even transformational. You can't predict which way things will go. All you can do is hold your boundary, continue acting of your essence and see what is in each moment. Fears, stress, anxiety, and the unknown show up here; don't forget to breathe. Be on the look-out for support people too. They have a habit of surprising you when you least expect it and when you may need them the most. Acting of essence can feel very lonely, no matter how many people are around, so be open to those who will lend a hand or an ear or a shoulder.

Taken out of context, this next bit sounds a little odd. After the heat was turned up a few dozen notches, I removed myself from the "fire place". Never before has that been the case, and please know, I did not run away or leave in the bigger sense of the word. And then I went and had fun with friends. Also seems strange, but in hindsight again, I can't really picture releasing my anguish in any better way. I was at ValleyFair, and the best part was the roller coaster called "Wild Thing". A buddy of mine and I rode it 4 times in a row and screamed the entire way each time. I'm a little hoarse, but what a great way to blow off steam. It was a blast! I confided only the smallest bit of my situation, but everyone sensed my pain and was more supportive than I had expected. Very few words, some hugs and lots of love. Nice.

The day is at a close, my head feels kind of feverish. The fire is now smoldering under the ashes. Will there be a flare-up, or will the fire extinguish and the energy rise up in a welcome new form? Hard to say, and I have significant amounts of fear and apprehension over the whole affair. I'm a person who traditionally has liked knowing outcomes and maintaining control of the situation. To abandon the known and allow the flow is another set of lessons in the learning stages for me, so I feel trepidation over things like this. Just Live. Don't forget to breathe. I will do my best.

What would happen if I decided that not knowing is easier than knowing? What if I decided that any/every outcome was OK?

Some Like It Hot!

2008-07-31T00:18:00.000-07:00

Everyone needs a place to just be themselves. Somewhere we feel separated and isolated from everyone and everything else, and in a good way. A place to reflect, relax, reconnect with self, or perhaps explore inner thoughts and ideas our soul is waiting for us to notice and understand. Or not. Sometimes you don't do anything at all! But that's OK because our special space is for whatever is happening for us alone, and no one else.

I really enjoy my alone time in the sauna. I get a work out and then spend 20 or 30 minutes in the heat. Usually you'll see me with headphones on, zoned out to the music. My music comes out of an old portable CD player. Very 90's, and I'm often applauded for having an "old school" player (but only by the "old school" people). Interestingly, the music plays a big part of the experience for me. Just the decision to have the music on or not seems important to my process. Occasionally, silence offers the distraction my conscious mind wants or needs to allow introspection and notice what's going on deep inside. Other times, I listen very closely to the selections I've chosen, and even analyze them (more about those selections in another blog). And of course, I often shift around in between the two extremes, it really depends on the moment.

I started this little ritual 5 years ago, give or take. At first, I didn't realize what was opening up for me. But apparently the alone time coupled with heat and music help to bring down some of my barriers and get me into a meditative state. I don't completely understand it, but it works.

And then, my soul speaks.

Sometimes its loud and obvious. "Get out, you've been in here long enough!" Other times its a subtle nudge. So subtle that things often don't register consciously until hours or days later. "Its time to acknowledge your fear." My favorite times are the "aha" moments when, out of the blue, things all seem to make sense. At least for a while anyway. There's always a new perspective to gain or lesson to learn. This is a good thing, even tho frustrating at times. I truly feel that the real "experts" in the world are those who are continually wanting to learn more, whatever the topic may be.

So, my first blog entry comes to a close. There's a lot of stuff that's come up over the last five years in the hot seat. I'll probably try to mix old ideas and current ones in the entries, whichever feel most appropriate. We'll just have to see how this goes.

I have this habit of ending conversations (blog entries too) with a question.....so here goes.

Where can you go to "just be"?