Memories of Today

Today's post is just a regular blog of something cool I've been thinking about. Not received during a sauna soak, but hey, my insights come when they're ready, no matter where I am.

When my daughter was born in May of 2002, we decided to buy a video camera. We got the kind that records onto a DV mini cassette, and I'm still using the same camera to film everyday life and my work presentations, etc. The challenge is in viewing the recordings. We either have to watch them right on the small camera screen or transfer them to a more usable format like DVD. So I borrowed a friends DVD burner and set to work letting the camera run the full 30 hours of tapes we've accumulated, which is the only way to transfer the videos.

I put two hours worth on each DVD and watched little snippets here and there just for fun. I started with the most recent and worked my way back to the 18th day of my daughters life. Most of the recordings are focused around her, and I found myself alternately laughing and getting misty. My little girl is almost seven now, and the years have flown by. The films are great because I saw things about her and others that I had forgotten. Precious things which I never want to forget again, which is why these images are so important to me. Early speech, first steps, hair lengths, clothes, pudgy cheeks, smiles and laughter, and the list goes on.

And then, somewhere in 2004, it hit me. For several years now, I have been missing some big opportunities for enjoyment of my life, particularly with my daughter. I thought of all the times when she has wanted to do something with me and I've been sluggish and lazy about taking action and doing whatever it might be. I'm finding it difficult to explain my reactions better, but let's just say enthusiasm has not always been the response. And why not? Because it often felt inconvenient.

During the last seven years, many people have heard me say that the parenting issues we experience are a result of us, not our daughter. It is our response to her doing what a child naturally does that creates the joy...and the pain. When we stay present and curious and in wonderment, parenting is easy, yes I said easy, and can be lots of fun. When we're inflexible and allow ourselves to be "inconvenienced", things get sticky and we usually end up acting and parenting in ways we wish we didn't.

I have a friend who claims she is a slow processor. Well, seven years later, I finally got the learning and let it soak in to my core. Watching those short moments and memories on video showed me how much more I can experience the joy and fun of parenting and of just living. Life can be perceived on a continuum somewhere between strict limitation and rigidity at one extreme and flexibility and flow at the other. The more flexible and flowing we are, the more we are present and allow ourselves to experience the wonder of life.

So when my daughter approaches me while I'm doing something, I can perceive an interruption, or I can welcome the contact while feeling grateful and excited that she is a precious and awesome part of my life. What neat thing will she show me? What cute phrase will she speak? What fun activity or project does she want company for? What adventure does she want to create? I get to find out!

The beauty of this awareness is that I can apply it to every aspect of my life. While it is difficult to do so at every turn, I can certainly set the intention to be curious about what each moment of life brings my way. And I can also trust that life will never send me anything I can't handle. What adventures will I create?

What adventures can you create?
Will you exercise your option to be more flexible and curious?
Which limits do you really need, and which ones can you release?

The Wall of Sound

Having just gotten home from the club, I'm still cooling down after being in the hot box for 25 minutes. My idea for this blog congealed this evening around many thoughts and ponderings I've had over the last months. You know how sometimes before you get the full concept of something, you get little nudges, hints, and inklings but not enough to grab onto? Well that's what I'm talking about here. Finally the pieces all came together.

The Wall of Sound is a music production technique developed by record producer Phil Spector in the sixties, and continues to be used in pop and rock music today. (Don't worry, there is not a test afterwards.) The idea is to create a full and rich sound with good reverberation. I find this kind of sound to be very pleasing to my ear most of the time. Consequently, a lot of the tunes I listen to in the sauna employ the technique. Where is he going with this, you're wondering. Well, I'll tell you.

But first, you may recall a blog where I mentioned the distraction aspect of working the cold calls at the insurance agency, and how it opened up a door to my fire and motivation to get my coaching business going. I realized tonight, the music I play in the sauna has a very similar effect, particularly if the songs use the Wall of Sound. Said songs are usually the ones during which I pay less attention to the words and allow the sound to move me. It also distracts me in a way that allows creative thoughts to flow, surface, and congeal. (I know, I used it twice now)

There's another cool effect that takes place with this kind of music as well. When I first got hired at a commercial airline way back when, I flew a commuter plane called the Metroliner. A real pilot's airplane if you ask me and I loved it. But it was noisy....and hot in the summer and cold in the winter and cramped and the passengers hated it and called it a "puddle jumper" which I hated....but the point is the noise.

We pilots generally wore earplugs and full headsets to be able to hear air traffic control and each other as well as block out the noise.  Most days I had my sunglasses on as well and the combination of all this headgear made me feel like I was wearing a fighter pilots helmet. If you've ever seen the movie Top Gun, you know what I mean.  I flew that way for so many hours that when I moved to a quieter plane and didn't need all the gear, I felt a little naked and exposed. (I got used to the change very quickly however.)

Interestingly, the music I now listen to is sort of like the helmet I used to feel like I was wearing.  Only instead of just blocking out noise, it walls out the rest of the world. It creates a vibrational barrier between me and everything else which facilitates my meditations and inner discovery. Now, you thoughtful types out there are probably saying, "Oh, he's created an escape!" Yes, I recall times when it has provided me some moments of peace that were all about "getting away".  And I think that's all right. Life can be stressful. We all need a little quiet escape every now and again, so why not.

For me, only about 20% of my experiences have been escapes and the rest were energetically fruitful, you could say.  Now I can be aware of which is which when I take my heat soaks. Each time is valuable in many ways. Sometimes, on the coldest winter day, it just feels darn good to be in a hot and relaxing place where you get warmed all the way thru. Reminds me of sitting in front of the fire in a ski chalet after an all day ski in really cold weather.....but another blog post for that.

A query:  Do you prefer to escape or meditate?  Are they the same thing?  Do you ever meditate about what you're escaping from?  What kinds of walls are around you, and what do they keep out?

My Path Companion and Gratitude

I could have been shot dead by now.

This according to two friends of mine regarding my marriage and my role in it the last few years.

It was meant partially as a joke, but the metaphor is quite powerful. There is truth here.... and it did not go unnoticed.

Personal transformations can be difficult, unsettling, and often confusing. They involve the potential (whether realized or not) to see large changes occur in your life. When I say large, I mean large like moving your home, quitting a secure job to follow your passion, creating additional income, and altering relationships.

My transformation process for the last 5 or 6 years has involved a couple of the changes mentioned and many others as well. The short version goes like this. Five years ago, I was an airline pilot for United Airlines working out of Chicago. Due to the "911" event and a subsequent company bankruptcy, my quality of life as a United pilot was in the dumper. Schedules were requiring maximum time away from home, and commuting from Minneapolis to Chicago didn't help. My daughter was 2 then, and it was clear that my family life was going to suffer for a long time if something didn't change. Even tho I asked really nicely for better schedules, United said take it or leave it, so I left it.

The next years involved a combination of efforting to find new sources of income and efforting to find passion for something new in my life. Lots of effort all the way around and ultimately lots of dollars spent on businesses and trainings with very little income to show as a result. Financially, not a good mix. And spiritually, the mix didn't feel any better. I had, and still have, large philosophical questions about where I am, where we all are, how we got here, why things are so difficult, etc., etc. I would frequently get bogged down in angry rants about how it all didn't make any sense and that I shouldn't have to work so hard to understand, only to be frustrated and disappointed. Taking the victim stance, I wasn't able to engage in anything "productive". The hardest part was I had the impression I may never really get answers to these large questions, and maybe that's the indication there isn't a need to know. But I was using part of my old pilot mentality; sort of a "need to know" approach.

Eventually, I found the "juice", the motivation, and yes the passion for my coaching practice. Long time coming, but nice to have it finally arrive. Which brings us up to now. We're broke, renting a temporary place after moving twice in a year, starting a new business in earnest in a down economy, continuing our personal growth processes, raising our daughter, and stretching ourselves to the limit in many different ways.

And all along this interesting, frustrating, enraging, freeing, captivating, maddening, and somehow useful process, there is my wife, supporting me every step of the way.

I can imaging some of the difficulty she has experienced watching me struggle and complain and flounder and languish in my process. She has shown me compassion, caring, fear, anxiety, stress, encouragement, resentment, pain, anger, guidance, trust, and ultimately unconditional love. She has witnessed with me the breaking down of old patterns and barriers while sometimes not having a clue about what the replacement will be. For both of us, holding trust in the universal energy to keep us on our essential paths without knowing the course can at times be relieving and at other times excruciating. Thru all of our troubles, issues, and transformations, somehow, she is still behind me 100%.

So here I still am. Not shot dead; much to the contrary. Whether she considered such an act, I have my doubts. She is the strongest person I have ever known, and rarely entertains such thoughts. Examining our relationship however, is an ongoing discussion and this is a good thing.

To say I am grateful for Shannon is an over-simplification of the greatest magnitude. What she brings to me and our relationship and the world is amazing. And tho I don't always remember to be grateful, she is a gift beyond measure. Many partners would have left the relationship way before now, but Shannon is still my wife, my companion, my soul mate. Thank you Shannon, I love you.


Food for thought:

For whom in your life have you remembered to be grateful?
Have you told them recently?
What judgements did you make after reading the first two lines of this blog post?