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One of the things I like best about the sauna experience is noticing how the workout beforehand gets my energy moving. After the workout is when I turn up the temperature and sweat off stress, muscle tension, etc. It's a slow time physically, but energetically I can really feel the movement. Perhaps the tiredness and heat I feel are distractions for my brain. That's probably why I do some of my best soul work and enjoy meditative time so much in the sauna.
Last September, after my daughter was back in school, I was aware of how stuck I felt and how there wasn't much moving for me physically or energetically. The situation was very frustrating and had been building for the better part of a year, maybe longer. Making matters worse was the fact that I am the type of person who can become more and more sedentary when there just isn't a lot driving my activity. This may sound obvious, but there are others who, when faced with nothing to do, get antsy or anxious and as a result go find a new task or activity. Not me. I have the potential to really get stuck, and not happy about it either. I think I benefit from these quiet "down" times on an occasional and even frequent basis. Long stretches however, can be significantly less beneficial.
As I was talking with a friend, the conversation turned to how busy he was at his office. He had his annual renewal processes to attend to, several new accounts to establish, and on top of that, his department head was just returning part time after treatment for cancer, so my friend was handling extra duties for him. We agreed I was a good candidate for some temporary work with an option to become a full time sales producer after the first of the year, so I started with him in October.
Things went really well. I was getting out of the house to a new environment, changing the view/perspective, using my brain a bit, and working with an old friend. Nice. The energy was starting to flow again as got moving again.
As January neared its end, I had learned enough to feel comfortable taking the producer spot. I took some classes to get licensed which was a little like airline training, at least in the classroom portion. The information comes at you like "drinking from a fire hose". An intense process, but familiar and exciting in its own way. I really did enjoy the training experiences during my 12 years as a commercial pilot. Any airline people reading this are surely shaking their heads and thinking I'm nuts. And I may very well be, but that's a topic for another discussion.
So I'm working along in my office, which incidentally had a great big window and a nice view, and doing mostly cold calling which everyone loves....NOT! As the days passed, I realized that as I was performing sales related tasks, my thoughts were actually forming around ideas for building my coaching practice. Pretty soon, the balance shifted away from sales entirely. Things had not gone well to that point anyway, and my loathing of cold calling was solidly reinforced.
So I made the decision to quit, and focus all my efforts on my coaching practice, starting with a series of presentations beginning March 26th. It really feels great! There is a surge of energy that I haven't felt for a long time. I actually feel motivated to get out there and promote the business of helping people while doing something authentic to my soul. In addition to the presentation prep work, I've written two articles, one of which can be seen in the previous blog entry. And I've begun rewriting my website and bringing it up to date.
Somewhere deep down I think I knew all along that the sales position was not going to be for me. But, taking action in that direction got me unstuck and able to see what essential steps I did want to take and what I do want to pursue.
What is important to remember is that moving toward something, anything, is often a huge catalyst to illuminating the true path we are meant to take. The path we can travel while being true to our own essence. We don't have to know all the answers ahead of time. If we trust and then act as the next authentic step presents itself, the journey often is easier and a lot more fun! Being flexible to the changes that come with altering your course is the key.
In my case, the sales spot was about the only thing going at that time, so it became a mental and analytical decision to take it. Once I got started, sales became a distraction for my conscious mind so my unconscious could show me what was happening underneath. And so, I'm on my way!
And now, something to ponder:
How much of a role does your conscious mind play in making life choices?
How much do you allow yourself to imagine what a next step will "feel " like?
Perhaps you could do with a little distraction. How does that feel?
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
"10 Biggest Roadblocks to Personal Transformation" - an article
I've recently written an article which I will be submitting for publication. It was not inspired by a sauna visit, but the content is about some ideas that can make people sweat and even overheat so I included it here for review.
"Personal transformation is the process of changing or growing an aspect of ourselves. I’m talking about looking inside to gain new perspectives and insight about who we are and what we want our lives to be. The process usually involves assessing goals, re-aligning values, and exploring our spirituality or fulfillment of our life’s purpose. Often we make a choice to examine our current state; and sometimes we feel pushed. For example, with today’s declined economy, we struggle to manage employment and financial pressures on top of everything else we’re processing.
In my experiences as a Certified Therapeutic Coach, I have had the honor of facilitating changes with amazing people in all different stages of transformation. One client was experiencing time passing him by, and as a result felt he wasn’t able to get things done. After working together for several sessions, he was able to alter his perception of time. He realized he was “in the driver’s seat” and became calm, noticeably less stressed, and more comfortable with his tasks and what he was accomplishing. One of the most exciting parts of transformation is seeing options and possibilities that were not illuminated before.
There are undoubtedly an infinite number of difficulties people may encounter when endeavoring to create change in their lives. Outlined below are ten of the most common roadblocks I have observed. Let’s dive right in.
1. “Therapy” is a four letter word. For many people, there is a real stigma around the word therapy, as if it’s only for truly disturbed people who can’t make it on their own. Well, I’ve got news for you, we all need help sometimes. And something as simple as having a lively discussion with friends on a Friday night can be considered therapeutic. Whether it’s session work, a conversation with a good friend, or communing with nature, therapy goes by many names and is really about finding ways to fully experience life. Some of us just happen to do it for a living.
2. Big issues require big resources to transform. People sometimes struggle with issues for months, years, or even whole lifetimes before they are ready to make a change. It’s easy to think that since the issue is a long standing one that the process to transform it will involve a huge amount of time, effort and money. In reality, there is not a direct relationship between the length or intensity of an issue and the effort it takes to resolve it. Simply put, personal transformation can be relatively quick and easy, and even fun.
3. Trying to change a habit or behavior instead of the underlying cause. This is sometimes referred to as “the tail wagging the dog.” Many times we try to stop a habit or behavior by saying, “don’t do that anymore”, or “when you feel the urge, do something else instead.” This approach ignores the thought patterns and processes that are creating the behavior in the first place, and as a result, the behavior is usually very difficult to permanently change. And by the way, there is a lot of excellence built into those patterns which we can use to build a different process and a new outcome.
4. Forgetting to set an outcome or goal (only using “move-away” strategies). Since we know that a behavior will change much more easily if we address the patterns that create it, then we need to make sure we have a desirable outcome to accompany the rearranged pattern. If we only set a goal to move away from a certain state of being, then we tend to revisit that state cyclically until we give ourselves a different one to move toward. Example: A woman says, “I don’t want to be poor.” She proceeds to go out and make a sizable amount of money, only to one day find herself penniless again. Because she only said what she didn’t want, this cycle may repeat itself indefinitely. A carefully chosen outcome can make all the difference in the world.
5. Asking “why”. The question “why” is often heard in troubling situations. “Why did this happen?” “Why am I stuck here?” “Why do I keep getting myself into this position?” The answers to these types of questions may provide useful information; most often, they do not. When we ask “why”, it tends to send down roots which anchor that scenario even more solidly, reinforcing what we already want to change. Acknowledging the fact that you are here now, and that there was an event at some point that helped get you here is important. Reliving the event or digging up all the details is usually not. After acknowledging the now, then ask “how” you want things to be different and “how” they can be changed.
6. Shaming and blaming ourselves and others for our situation. When we blame, we place judgment on whoever we’re blaming. To do so not only lowers our energy, it also keeps us looking backwards and prevents us from seeing options and possibilities right now. It is very reasonable to want people to be responsible for their actions without feeling they’re “bad” if they don’t. Our best option is to forgive. Forgiveness is about releasing the restrictive thoughts and energy we’re holding on to about something or someone. By forgiving, we free up that energy to be used for something else, and we can come back to experiencing this current moment.
7. Giving away personal power. Often we give up our own power and responsibility and let external factors take control of our existence. What we’re really saying is, “It’s out of my control and I can’t do anything about it.” As long as we let that be our truth, we get pushed through life and we don’t allow ourselves to move and live from the essence of our being. The resulting anger, sadness, and frustration can fester inside us causing distress and pain. We need to free our “trapped” energy, accept responsibility for our lives, and re-gain authorship of our life story.
8. Over-analyzing the situation. We spend a lot of time thinking with our heads when we’d be better off feeling what’s in our hearts. The brain is a wonderfully powerful and creative organ that plays a strong and useful role in our consciousness. But if we allow it to run the whole show, we often create road blocks and hurdles for ourselves. Too much thinking and analyzing can lead to the need for brute force and sheer will to overcome the obstacles we’ve created. The trick is to be curious about what’s happening. If we stay curious, we can allow things to flow and manifest easily and naturally in the moment.
9. Forgetting to be grateful for the benefits of every situation. When our state of being feels uncomfortable or difficult, it is very easy to judge whatever the causes are as bad or negative. And yes, we want those “bad” things to go away as soon as possible. However, every situation, no matter how distasteful, has a beneficial aspect to it. This may be one of the hardest concepts of change to employ, but there is always something in there that has been helpful. A life lesson we receive, a natural defense mechanism that kept us from being overwhelmed, or perhaps an energy pattern that held us back in some way, but at the same time kept us from taking chances that might have gotten us hurt or killed. Gratitude is easy to forget in difficult times.
10. We feel stuck and unable to change. This scenario involves several of the other ideas discussed in this article. When we find ourselves frequently thinking about what we’d like to change or considering other states of being, there is a very good chance that we’re ready to make a change. Unfortunately, we believe that we can’t move, that we don’t have the ability to change, or that what we want isn’t ever going to become reality. Maybe we’ve given up our personal power or perhaps we keep asking “why”, but the result is that we truly feel stuck and can’t see any options, so we don’t transform. Good news….there are always options. If you can open up to that idea, then you’ve already begun the process.
So there you have the top 10 most common roadblocks in the way of lasting personal change. All of them can quickly be removed, and awareness of them is an important step on your path of transformation.
Perhaps the most important aid in transformational work is proper breathing. We so commonly forget to breathe that I mention it in almost every session I facilitate. The use of your breath is not only life sustaining, but also a powerful clearing technique. When times get stressful, fear starts to creep in, our muscles start to tighten, thought capacity begins to diminish, and we tend to hold our breath. And I can’t remember a single time in my life when constricted breathing felt good. In fact, it‘s downright counter-productive! Stop for a moment to inhale deeply and exhale several times. As soon as you do, you can feel the fear and stress begin to dissipate. Then set an intention to breathe regularly as you work through the situation. It’s never disappointing how much better I feel when I remember to just breathe."
© March, 2009 Eric J. Strodthoff
Which, if any, of the "10 Biggest" have you encountered on you path of personal transformation?
"The 10 Biggest Roadblocks To Personal Transformation"
by Eric J. Strodthoff CTC, MHT
"Personal transformation is the process of changing or growing an aspect of ourselves. I’m talking about looking inside to gain new perspectives and insight about who we are and what we want our lives to be. The process usually involves assessing goals, re-aligning values, and exploring our spirituality or fulfillment of our life’s purpose. Often we make a choice to examine our current state; and sometimes we feel pushed. For example, with today’s declined economy, we struggle to manage employment and financial pressures on top of everything else we’re processing.
In my experiences as a Certified Therapeutic Coach, I have had the honor of facilitating changes with amazing people in all different stages of transformation. One client was experiencing time passing him by, and as a result felt he wasn’t able to get things done. After working together for several sessions, he was able to alter his perception of time. He realized he was “in the driver’s seat” and became calm, noticeably less stressed, and more comfortable with his tasks and what he was accomplishing. One of the most exciting parts of transformation is seeing options and possibilities that were not illuminated before.
There are undoubtedly an infinite number of difficulties people may encounter when endeavoring to create change in their lives. Outlined below are ten of the most common roadblocks I have observed. Let’s dive right in.
1. “Therapy” is a four letter word. For many people, there is a real stigma around the word therapy, as if it’s only for truly disturbed people who can’t make it on their own. Well, I’ve got news for you, we all need help sometimes. And something as simple as having a lively discussion with friends on a Friday night can be considered therapeutic. Whether it’s session work, a conversation with a good friend, or communing with nature, therapy goes by many names and is really about finding ways to fully experience life. Some of us just happen to do it for a living.
2. Big issues require big resources to transform. People sometimes struggle with issues for months, years, or even whole lifetimes before they are ready to make a change. It’s easy to think that since the issue is a long standing one that the process to transform it will involve a huge amount of time, effort and money. In reality, there is not a direct relationship between the length or intensity of an issue and the effort it takes to resolve it. Simply put, personal transformation can be relatively quick and easy, and even fun.
3. Trying to change a habit or behavior instead of the underlying cause. This is sometimes referred to as “the tail wagging the dog.” Many times we try to stop a habit or behavior by saying, “don’t do that anymore”, or “when you feel the urge, do something else instead.” This approach ignores the thought patterns and processes that are creating the behavior in the first place, and as a result, the behavior is usually very difficult to permanently change. And by the way, there is a lot of excellence built into those patterns which we can use to build a different process and a new outcome.
4. Forgetting to set an outcome or goal (only using “move-away” strategies). Since we know that a behavior will change much more easily if we address the patterns that create it, then we need to make sure we have a desirable outcome to accompany the rearranged pattern. If we only set a goal to move away from a certain state of being, then we tend to revisit that state cyclically until we give ourselves a different one to move toward. Example: A woman says, “I don’t want to be poor.” She proceeds to go out and make a sizable amount of money, only to one day find herself penniless again. Because she only said what she didn’t want, this cycle may repeat itself indefinitely. A carefully chosen outcome can make all the difference in the world.
5. Asking “why”. The question “why” is often heard in troubling situations. “Why did this happen?” “Why am I stuck here?” “Why do I keep getting myself into this position?” The answers to these types of questions may provide useful information; most often, they do not. When we ask “why”, it tends to send down roots which anchor that scenario even more solidly, reinforcing what we already want to change. Acknowledging the fact that you are here now, and that there was an event at some point that helped get you here is important. Reliving the event or digging up all the details is usually not. After acknowledging the now, then ask “how” you want things to be different and “how” they can be changed.
6. Shaming and blaming ourselves and others for our situation. When we blame, we place judgment on whoever we’re blaming. To do so not only lowers our energy, it also keeps us looking backwards and prevents us from seeing options and possibilities right now. It is very reasonable to want people to be responsible for their actions without feeling they’re “bad” if they don’t. Our best option is to forgive. Forgiveness is about releasing the restrictive thoughts and energy we’re holding on to about something or someone. By forgiving, we free up that energy to be used for something else, and we can come back to experiencing this current moment.
7. Giving away personal power. Often we give up our own power and responsibility and let external factors take control of our existence. What we’re really saying is, “It’s out of my control and I can’t do anything about it.” As long as we let that be our truth, we get pushed through life and we don’t allow ourselves to move and live from the essence of our being. The resulting anger, sadness, and frustration can fester inside us causing distress and pain. We need to free our “trapped” energy, accept responsibility for our lives, and re-gain authorship of our life story.
8. Over-analyzing the situation. We spend a lot of time thinking with our heads when we’d be better off feeling what’s in our hearts. The brain is a wonderfully powerful and creative organ that plays a strong and useful role in our consciousness. But if we allow it to run the whole show, we often create road blocks and hurdles for ourselves. Too much thinking and analyzing can lead to the need for brute force and sheer will to overcome the obstacles we’ve created. The trick is to be curious about what’s happening. If we stay curious, we can allow things to flow and manifest easily and naturally in the moment.
9. Forgetting to be grateful for the benefits of every situation. When our state of being feels uncomfortable or difficult, it is very easy to judge whatever the causes are as bad or negative. And yes, we want those “bad” things to go away as soon as possible. However, every situation, no matter how distasteful, has a beneficial aspect to it. This may be one of the hardest concepts of change to employ, but there is always something in there that has been helpful. A life lesson we receive, a natural defense mechanism that kept us from being overwhelmed, or perhaps an energy pattern that held us back in some way, but at the same time kept us from taking chances that might have gotten us hurt or killed. Gratitude is easy to forget in difficult times.
10. We feel stuck and unable to change. This scenario involves several of the other ideas discussed in this article. When we find ourselves frequently thinking about what we’d like to change or considering other states of being, there is a very good chance that we’re ready to make a change. Unfortunately, we believe that we can’t move, that we don’t have the ability to change, or that what we want isn’t ever going to become reality. Maybe we’ve given up our personal power or perhaps we keep asking “why”, but the result is that we truly feel stuck and can’t see any options, so we don’t transform. Good news….there are always options. If you can open up to that idea, then you’ve already begun the process.
So there you have the top 10 most common roadblocks in the way of lasting personal change. All of them can quickly be removed, and awareness of them is an important step on your path of transformation.
Perhaps the most important aid in transformational work is proper breathing. We so commonly forget to breathe that I mention it in almost every session I facilitate. The use of your breath is not only life sustaining, but also a powerful clearing technique. When times get stressful, fear starts to creep in, our muscles start to tighten, thought capacity begins to diminish, and we tend to hold our breath. And I can’t remember a single time in my life when constricted breathing felt good. In fact, it‘s downright counter-productive! Stop for a moment to inhale deeply and exhale several times. As soon as you do, you can feel the fear and stress begin to dissipate. Then set an intention to breathe regularly as you work through the situation. It’s never disappointing how much better I feel when I remember to just breathe."
© March, 2009 Eric J. Strodthoff
Which, if any, of the "10 Biggest" have you encountered on you path of personal transformation?
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Legacies - "It's Good To Be The King"
Let's get the trivial stuff out of the way. I returned the amazing (or so I thought) new device they call an iPod Nano version 3. The playback speed just wasn't cuttin' it. And of course, I was hooked on the small size and convenience of it, so I upgraded to Nano version 4. Yes, I paid the additional $50 bucks, and I'm still not convinced the darn thing is playing all the songs at the right speed. Many of you are undoubtedly thinking it's all in my head and I'm just imagining the speed differences. Well, I have a history of perceiving these types of minor discrepancies, and I've been proven right almost every time. I'm keeping the little bugger anyway....nuff said.
So I'm enjoying a little heat this afternoon. Not as much as I usually like because the sauna wasn't up to full heat, but it still felt good. As you may have noticed, it's been several months since my last entry, meaning I haven't been able to get sweaty much lately. I sure do enjoy it when I do get in there tho. And I'm listening to one of my older cd's, only on iPod so no bulky machine. Yes! Some of the songs are new tho, since with the digital wonder by my side, I was able to add songs that didn't fit on the discs. Pretty soon I'm rockin' to the King. That's right, Elvis. "Oh Baby!" It kinda made me want a bacon cheeseburger with fries and a shake right then, but I digress.
The song was "A little less conversation", and it became a number one hit decades after the king was de-throned. Now, I've been to Graceland, and as dated as the place is, what it represents is still amazing to me. And apparently to many others as well. The worshippers flock there all year round and especially on the anniversary of his death. There are people who love him that weren't even born yet when he had "left the building" for the last time. And again, how many artists have number one hits posthumously? Not too many. You can probably count them on one hand. I think John Lennon did, and I'm not a music history buff, so there may be more. And do you know, there is a music store across the street from the mansion that sells nothing but Elvis tunes in various formats which is as large as some music stores that sell hundreds of artists work. Again, no history buff, but I do know that Elvis Presley continues to be one of the top 5 best selling artists every year, and he's usually number one or two! Nirvana beat him in '07 because Courtney Love sold the rights to their music for $50 million dollars. Elvis only (yeah only) sold about $20 million I believe. Rough year for the dead guys.
So I'm wondering, what kind of energy does a person have to embody to create this kind of following and legacy. There's got to be something' pretty special involved to make this work.
I wonder how it would feel to have people tear up instantly upon hearing my voice. Actually, sometimes people do cry when they hear my voice....if I'm singing....cause it ain't pretty. But this is a different kind of crying.....moving on.
I got a little sad at this point in my bake. Times have been difficult for a while now, as with many, many people I know. What I realized was I used to dream of creating Elvis style fame and fortune for myself. Do I have that kind of energy tho? Deep down, I think we all do, but how deep down is it buried under everything I'm working thru? And was the dream for the "right" reasons? Nowadays my focus more often seems to be on just getting thru the day. I won't go into detail so I don't turn y'all away, but things aren't where I thought they would be at this age (42 if you must know; almost 43 in April. I have lots of gift ideas...call me).
The good news is, shortly after my sadness began, I had a very powerful feeling of pride for my wife and daughter. They're great and I am fortunate to be with them, to be loved by them, and to learn from them every day. It ain't all peaches and cream, but there are other fruits I like better anyway! I'm a lucky man.
When I take time to indulge, I still occasionally dream of creating wealth and a certain (large) amount of success for myself. For different reasons tho. Before, it was about fame, a fair amount of greed, and recognition/acceptance; a lot of ego stuff. Now things are different. Oh sure, I haven't completely eschewed all the old ideas about it, but now the underlying motivation is about making a difference; contributing to the lives of others as well as my own and my family's. Dr. Wayne Dyer was on PBS one evening, and a remark he made really impacted me. He was speaking about something that involved his home. And he said,"We live on Maui." Interestingly, the audience seemed to respond in an unexpected and very positive way, like "Way to go!" Then he put out his hand palm up, giving credit to the audience, and said to them, "Thank you."
That's when I realized something very important. It's OK to help yourself while helping other people. Simple, yet profound for me. You can say Dr. Dyer is "famous", and he certainly is wealthy. But those aren't the goals of his efforts. In his books and lectures, he is offering something to anyone who wants to accept it. And because his message is clear and positive, and his energy is grounded and sincere, he has helped people in their lives. He has also become very successful (wealthy, etc.....many words fit here). A win-win scenario if I ever heard one. And he is grateful.
I still want a lot of those things from my old dreams; they're in the new dreams too. But I want them so I can live the life I choose, not be defined by my lifestyle. And I especially want to always be grateful for the people and things in my life. This one is a biggie, and it ain't always easy to do, at least not for me. When times are tough, the confusion, anger, and sadness can cloud the reality of what's really important and what's really possible. We're here to learn many things in this life. And even tho I resist the notion, I know the learning process is often difficult and uncomfortable. My brain says,"Why does it have to be so hard? Just give me the knowledge and understanding so I can assimilate it and move on already!" But it doesn't work that way. Awareness is the beginning, and then the transformation process can begin in earnest so that we feel and experience the change. That's how we truly know at the soul level that something is different. Oh, it would be great if things were always simple and easy, but they aren't, at least not yet (dropping my resistance would assuredly allow it to be somewhat easier).
There's probably a better than average chance I'll get where I think I want to be....at some point. I'm remembering gratitude here when I say, I hope it's sooner than later. And I do know that once I get there, there will be somewhere new to get to. That's life. And that's also the good news. Life doesn't stop when you achieve a certain level of success or wealth or personal satisfaction or comfort. Life also continues when times are tough and you want something better. We keep moving, hopefully living in the moment so the baggage drops away and we can experience life in the fullest. Let's keep working on that, shall we?
Let me ask you:
How do your dreams today compare to your dreams of past years?
What's your motivation to get where you think you want to go?
What if you turned off your will power, stayed curious, and allowed your soul to determine your life's path?
So I'm enjoying a little heat this afternoon. Not as much as I usually like because the sauna wasn't up to full heat, but it still felt good. As you may have noticed, it's been several months since my last entry, meaning I haven't been able to get sweaty much lately. I sure do enjoy it when I do get in there tho. And I'm listening to one of my older cd's, only on iPod so no bulky machine. Yes! Some of the songs are new tho, since with the digital wonder by my side, I was able to add songs that didn't fit on the discs. Pretty soon I'm rockin' to the King. That's right, Elvis. "Oh Baby!" It kinda made me want a bacon cheeseburger with fries and a shake right then, but I digress.
The song was "A little less conversation", and it became a number one hit decades after the king was de-throned. Now, I've been to Graceland, and as dated as the place is, what it represents is still amazing to me. And apparently to many others as well. The worshippers flock there all year round and especially on the anniversary of his death. There are people who love him that weren't even born yet when he had "left the building" for the last time. And again, how many artists have number one hits posthumously? Not too many. You can probably count them on one hand. I think John Lennon did, and I'm not a music history buff, so there may be more. And do you know, there is a music store across the street from the mansion that sells nothing but Elvis tunes in various formats which is as large as some music stores that sell hundreds of artists work. Again, no history buff, but I do know that Elvis Presley continues to be one of the top 5 best selling artists every year, and he's usually number one or two! Nirvana beat him in '07 because Courtney Love sold the rights to their music for $50 million dollars. Elvis only (yeah only) sold about $20 million I believe. Rough year for the dead guys.
So I'm wondering, what kind of energy does a person have to embody to create this kind of following and legacy. There's got to be something' pretty special involved to make this work.
I wonder how it would feel to have people tear up instantly upon hearing my voice. Actually, sometimes people do cry when they hear my voice....if I'm singing....cause it ain't pretty. But this is a different kind of crying.....moving on.
I got a little sad at this point in my bake. Times have been difficult for a while now, as with many, many people I know. What I realized was I used to dream of creating Elvis style fame and fortune for myself. Do I have that kind of energy tho? Deep down, I think we all do, but how deep down is it buried under everything I'm working thru? And was the dream for the "right" reasons? Nowadays my focus more often seems to be on just getting thru the day. I won't go into detail so I don't turn y'all away, but things aren't where I thought they would be at this age (42 if you must know; almost 43 in April. I have lots of gift ideas...call me).
The good news is, shortly after my sadness began, I had a very powerful feeling of pride for my wife and daughter. They're great and I am fortunate to be with them, to be loved by them, and to learn from them every day. It ain't all peaches and cream, but there are other fruits I like better anyway! I'm a lucky man.
When I take time to indulge, I still occasionally dream of creating wealth and a certain (large) amount of success for myself. For different reasons tho. Before, it was about fame, a fair amount of greed, and recognition/acceptance; a lot of ego stuff. Now things are different. Oh sure, I haven't completely eschewed all the old ideas about it, but now the underlying motivation is about making a difference; contributing to the lives of others as well as my own and my family's. Dr. Wayne Dyer was on PBS one evening, and a remark he made really impacted me. He was speaking about something that involved his home. And he said,"We live on Maui." Interestingly, the audience seemed to respond in an unexpected and very positive way, like "Way to go!" Then he put out his hand palm up, giving credit to the audience, and said to them, "Thank you."
That's when I realized something very important. It's OK to help yourself while helping other people. Simple, yet profound for me. You can say Dr. Dyer is "famous", and he certainly is wealthy. But those aren't the goals of his efforts. In his books and lectures, he is offering something to anyone who wants to accept it. And because his message is clear and positive, and his energy is grounded and sincere, he has helped people in their lives. He has also become very successful (wealthy, etc.....many words fit here). A win-win scenario if I ever heard one. And he is grateful.
I still want a lot of those things from my old dreams; they're in the new dreams too. But I want them so I can live the life I choose, not be defined by my lifestyle. And I especially want to always be grateful for the people and things in my life. This one is a biggie, and it ain't always easy to do, at least not for me. When times are tough, the confusion, anger, and sadness can cloud the reality of what's really important and what's really possible. We're here to learn many things in this life. And even tho I resist the notion, I know the learning process is often difficult and uncomfortable. My brain says,"Why does it have to be so hard? Just give me the knowledge and understanding so I can assimilate it and move on already!" But it doesn't work that way. Awareness is the beginning, and then the transformation process can begin in earnest so that we feel and experience the change. That's how we truly know at the soul level that something is different. Oh, it would be great if things were always simple and easy, but they aren't, at least not yet (dropping my resistance would assuredly allow it to be somewhat easier).
There's probably a better than average chance I'll get where I think I want to be....at some point. I'm remembering gratitude here when I say, I hope it's sooner than later. And I do know that once I get there, there will be somewhere new to get to. That's life. And that's also the good news. Life doesn't stop when you achieve a certain level of success or wealth or personal satisfaction or comfort. Life also continues when times are tough and you want something better. We keep moving, hopefully living in the moment so the baggage drops away and we can experience life in the fullest. Let's keep working on that, shall we?
Let me ask you:
How do your dreams today compare to your dreams of past years?
What's your motivation to get where you think you want to go?
What if you turned off your will power, stayed curious, and allowed your soul to determine your life's path?
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