Hot and Bothered

My sauna time is time fairly well guarded, because there isn't anywhere like it for me. As I've mentioned before, it's my place to shut out the rest of the world and just be, usually listening to music.

Well, one afternoon last week, I was beginning my sweat when three gentlemen came into the sauna. It was obvious very soon that my music was never going to be loud enough to cover the voice of one guy in particular, and I had arrived only shortly before they did, so there I was. Well I wasn't about to short change myself on heat, so I found myself a little irritated and basically forced to listen in.

The men were all somewhere around 65 to 70 years old. The loud talker dominated the conversation, and he was describing a situation involving his love of one of the baseball teams in Chicago. Seems he has been a fan for decades and can name the team roster and staff from the 1959 team by heart. May have been a pennant winner, I'm not sure. Since his retirement, he has begun collecting team memorabilia as a hobby. As he continued to talk, I began to think about how people sometimes define their lives by devoting significant amounts of time, and sometimes money, to sporting events and teams. We've all heard the term "football widow" for example. Come Sunday in the fall, you know where you can find "Bob". And don't even think about scheduling anything else with "Bob" for that afternoon, cause it just ain't gonna happen.

As I began sifting thru all the things a day in front of the big screen involves; food, friends, team spirit, rivalry (both friendly and sometimes not), etc., what kept coming back as the main focus of the event was the competition. One team against the other struggling for power, domination, reputation, bragging rights, fear of ridicule when you're team loses the game, etc. You might be saying, well duh! But it seems important to state, even if it looks obvious. Why is this important? Well, I'm getting to that.

Used to be that opposition, competition, taking sides, trying to get ahead of the perceived opponent was a reflection of the energetic system we lived in. The dualistic nature of things meant that polarization, dueling, feuds, and sheer will power to succeed were how things got done and how people made their way in the world. Survival of the fittest. Concurrently, people often would define their lives and themselves by how many games they had won, how many opponents had been cast aside, how many realms had been conquered. Theses happenings were often considered the most relevant and valued indicators and mileposts along the road of life.

Today, we find ourselves in a new energetic system. One in which will power and high mental processing seem to make it more difficult to succeed. One that functions optimally on cooperation, good will, and love. A system in which trying to make things happen is becoming more and more difficult, and staying present and working with the environmental energy is the key. In many ways, the new system is easier. You don't have to know everything, you still set goals, you still plan ahead, but not nearly as extensively or detailed, and, if you practice being aware, the next step comes naturally and effortlessly. It takes practice to allow the path to unfold, as opposed to creating it all yourself, but from what I have experienced when I've been able to let it flow, it works very well. I wish I could say I've mastered the art, but there is always something to learn, there are always surprises, and the journey continues every moment.

So what of our sports enthusiasts and fanatics? How will this new system affect the games, the players, and the spectators? Will the games continue as competition is redefined in a way that flows with the new energy? Maybe. Will players and fans simply stay enthusiastic out of a love for the action rather than the outcome? Perhaps. Will competitive gaming disappear altogether in favor of more cooperative and congenial activities? I wonder. And lastly, will people define themselves and their existences differently, relying less on achievements and more on current experiences? Will they feel it necessary to define themselves at all? It remains to be seen, and I don't have a crystal ball to find out (I'm pretty sure that's a big responsibility I wouldn't want anyway). We'll just have to allow it all to unfold naturally.

So what are the important milestones in your life? What is relevant and valuable for your existence? What would happen if you set your goals and then let the path show you how to achieve them?

Keeping Cool When the Heat Is On

Seems like all my time soaking up the heat in the sauna has paid off in an unexpected way. Today, I gave a 30 minute talk to a grief group to offer new ideas about dealing with loss and grief. Sounds simple enough, but if you're me, traditionally this would really make me sweat.

I got a call last Spring from the organizer of this series which is presented weekly for 8 weeks total. She had seen my ad in one of the local magazines and wondered if I would be interested in speaking the week of October 23rd. I accepted thinking, "its months away, and by then maybe I'll actually be able to speak to a group." All the while knowing I was dreading the whole concept. For any of my Class J friends reading this, I know what you're thinking. "This guy bombed during a 15 minute speech in coaching class, how did he think this was going to work?" Honestly, I had no clue.

So the months went by and every now and then I'd remember the engagement and the fear I felt towards it. I mean, who was I to offer anything to a seniors group dealing with the loss of a spouse or another family member? Grief is a heavy topic for many, and especially those potentially wondering how long they themselves might have left. I'm no kid, but I'm no senior citizen either. How could I possibly relate? "Don't think about that right now, its still a long ways off."

The last year of my life and particularly June, July, and August have been the worst experience I've ever been thru and there were many times when I wondered what the heck it was all for. Personal transformation is supposed to be about enjoying more of life, not sinking into anger, sadness, fear, and depression, right? Well believe me, I went to those places and stayed for what seemed a really long time. There were moments of enjoyment and sometimes fun, but they were always tinged by perceived pressures and stress. I always knew I had to go back to the hard times. And of course it didn't help that I hadn't earned a paycheck in over 4 years. The wife was more than a little stressed about our financial situation. Somehow, I didn't sweat that portion nearly as much as she.

I had one particular rant process that I got caught in and repeated many times dealing with large philosophical issues of what's the point, why did things get so rough, and how could all this be allowed to happen, etc. Big questions; lots of thinking and wanting to know why. A very mentally oriented progression.

Then I began to realize, part of me was wanting to stay mad and depressed and lost. In that perverse way we humans sometimes act, I felt more comfortable in the crappy states than I did venturing out into the unknown, so I just stayed put. The real kicker was when I understood that despite my best efforts, I couldn't stay mad, and I'll be darned if I didn't feel kinda OK a good portion of the time! So what now?

A couple of things happened. First, we moved our home close to downtown Minneapolis and significantly downsized our belongings pile (shedding is good). Second, I took a job with a friend of mine. It's temporary and doesn't pay what I'm really worth, but I am grateful for the income, the opportunity to get going again, and the camaraderie. So, less attachment, less stuff, no more moping around feeling like a victim. Now we're getting somewhere.

And then the grief group presentation drew near. What I realized was something a good friend put very nicely into words. During all the hard times and despair, there were changes and transformations occurring which I wasn't aware of consciously. Oh, I hoped they were happening, and I wanted to believe they were happening, but I just couldn't see them happening. And then I noticed something else. I wasn't the slightest bit nervous about the talk I was to give. I was even heard once to say that it was "only 30 minutes". Wow. New outlook there. Used to be, 5 minutes was unbearable. And obviously, we all have something to offer any group we might be involved with. I just had to let things flow.

Today was the day. I had a few little jitters right before the talk, but I was confident and ready. Part of my approach was to think of the group as people rather than an audience, and that I was just going to have a "conversation" with them. That took a lot of the pressure off for me. It went really well! I was confident, relaxed, and comfortable beyond anything I'd ever experienced before. The group seemed very interested in my information, and the feedback was positive and encouraging. One gentleman even stated that I was really smooth! Who woulda thought? And I think I'll get at least one client out of it. I even got paid to speak! Super!

I'm thinking this is a turning point for my life and career. I don't really know what steps are next, but that's really the point. If I put out there what I want and allow the natural abundance and resources to provide it, then I don't need to know until I actually step out. I have a few ideas, and it will be interesting to see which work out. And I feel great today! Perhaps many great feeling days are coming.....oooo that will be nice. I'm ready for that, baby!

My last observation in all this is to see that my sense of loss and grieving thru all of my difficult times helped me to relate to the topic and more importantly to the people in their time of loss and pain. It is my sincere hope that I was able to offer them something useful and meaningful for their lives.

So, what might you be processing and transforming in the midst life's other events? Do you know what you want and what thrills you?