Saunas and Stereotypes

After my workout last evening, I headed for the sauna as I often do. Personal time is at a premium these days, so I feel lucky to get these opportunities and find that I even sometimes extend them purposely to savor the solitude. The wooden paneled room was hot as usual. It's a dry sauna which I prefer because I find it easier to breathe in dry heat. The thermometer sits right around 85Celsius or 170 Fahrenheit. Pretty dang hot!

I'd been disappointed earlier in the evening to find my CD player (yes, the "so 90's" machine) was out of juice, so no tunes tonight. While I wasn't happy about it, going with the flow does sometimes occur and I continued my routine. I had been in the sauna for 5 or 6 minutes when three men came in. They didn't exactly look Somalian, but very dark skin and alternately speaking a foreign language and English. I was curious to learn more when I overheard them commenting about how hot it was in the sauna.

Now being a Caucasian man from Minnesota, it seemed curious to me that these gentlemen were not handling the heat very well, and I was loving it. Tho I try to be as open and unbiased as I can, my hidden stereotypes kicked in and limited the options I had for perceiving the situation. I simply assumed they were from some hot and arid place in the world. Silly me. In my own defense, later on one of the men did say he had never seen snow before and was looking forward to it!

I struck up a conversation with the three and learned that they were from, of all places, New Zealand! Coincidental (if you believe in coincidence) since my wife is waiting to hear whether or not she has received a Fellowship from the University of Otago in southern New Zealand. We traded information about our respective homelands and had a nice, eye opening, but short conversation (they couldn't stay long because of the heat). Did you know New Zealand is 1500 miles from Australia? I thought it was a lot closer. There's a lot you can learn in a short conversation if you're being curious.

Suffice it to say, there's obviously a pattern of stereotyping that exists within me which would probably be good to address and release. Simple, everyday occurrences can show us so much about ourselves and how we perceive the world. It's amazing what a few restrictive patterns can do to our perception of an event or situation. At first, these three men seemed very different and almost unreachable, even tho they were sitting within arms length of me. When I was able to stay curious and remove some of my filters, they immediately became three friendly and engaging people with whom I already had something in common! Small world? You bet!

Is there anyone in your life about whom you know things, even if those things have never been observed or talked about? How did you decide they were true?

What would happen if you "forgot" all you think you know about them and got to know them while being open and curious and staying in the moment?

Alternative Heat Sources

While the sauna is a great place for me to unwind, meditate, and just be, I find there are other ways to purposely or inadvertently turn up the heat in my life. Today, such an event occurred, inadvertently. As I look back on my busy day, it seems almost as tho the whole thing was planned, even orchestrated....somehow.....by someone .....perhaps me. Hindsight is usually pretty clear, altho I hesitate to use the ole' 20/20 cliche, because sometimes you see but you do not get clarity, at least not right away.

The issue at hand was me acting from a place of my own essence, something I'm learning to do. I find this lesson easy to understand and not so easy to employ. Relationships, partnerships, career positions, etc. can and often do become intricately intertwined. And when one party changes behavior, well all h**l can break loose. If the behavior change is a result of an intention which serves the "changer" in a positive way, then the short term uncomfortability or pain is usually worth the shift. It doesn't always make it easy or enjoyable to experience, but call it an investment for the future. When we act of our own essence, we ultimately feel more ourselves, more genuine and authentic. Our surrounding space and people recognize the shift on one or more levels immediately and must adjust their behavior accordingly. For them it can feel shocking, hurtful, even vindictive, but also refreshing, invigorating, and even transformational. You can't predict which way things will go. All you can do is hold your boundary, continue acting of your essence and see what is in each moment. Fears, stress, anxiety, and the unknown show up here; don't forget to breathe. Be on the look-out for support people too. They have a habit of surprising you when you least expect it and when you may need them the most. Acting of essence can feel very lonely, no matter how many people are around, so be open to those who will lend a hand or an ear or a shoulder.

Taken out of context, this next bit sounds a little odd. After the heat was turned up a few dozen notches, I removed myself from the "fire place". Never before has that been the case, and please know, I did not run away or leave in the bigger sense of the word. And then I went and had fun with friends. Also seems strange, but in hindsight again, I can't really picture releasing my anguish in any better way. I was at ValleyFair, and the best part was the roller coaster called "Wild Thing". A buddy of mine and I rode it 4 times in a row and screamed the entire way each time. I'm a little hoarse, but what a great way to blow off steam. It was a blast! I confided only the smallest bit of my situation, but everyone sensed my pain and was more supportive than I had expected. Very few words, some hugs and lots of love. Nice.

The day is at a close, my head feels kind of feverish. The fire is now smoldering under the ashes. Will there be a flare-up, or will the fire extinguish and the energy rise up in a welcome new form? Hard to say, and I have significant amounts of fear and apprehension over the whole affair. I'm a person who traditionally has liked knowing outcomes and maintaining control of the situation. To abandon the known and allow the flow is another set of lessons in the learning stages for me, so I feel trepidation over things like this. Just Live. Don't forget to breathe. I will do my best.

What would happen if I decided that not knowing is easier than knowing? What if I decided that any/every outcome was OK?