Sauna Slow Jam 2

So I call Apple and ask about the playback speed on my new iPod Nano. After some discussion and repetition due to the lack of English familiarity on the part of the rep in India, I'm instructed to set the volume control on iTunes to 100% and sync the iPod.

Of course, how silly of me not to think of the volume control when troubleshooting the playback speed. Duh! Wait, what did I just type?

And it worked. Technology is great when it works, just don't try to figure out how or why. There is wisdom with far reaching implications here.

What do you make of all this?

Sauna SlowJam

I thought I must have been mistaken.

I'm soakin' up the heat and sampling from selections on my highly prized new iPod Nano. And I'm thinking,"These tunes are draggin' along!" They literally sound as tho they are playing at about 85% of normal speed. So I'm wondering, how can this be? It's proven technology. Its all digital. There's no setting to adjust for play back speed (and who would want to change that anyway?). And of course, the battery is charged. What's going on here!

So I listen to the same songs on iTunes on my computer at home and also cross referenced the play times advertised vs. actual. Sure enough, this little marvel of modern inginuity is screwed up. Amazing.

I'll update this less than satisfactory situation in the near future.

Question for me: Is this yet another indication that the music is waning in importance? Is the music becoming a distraction, rather than an aid?

Sultry Sauna Sounds

--This first section is from a draft begun in August, 2008. I decided to go ahead and post it, even tho it is not complete, and then add further comments afterward--

As I've mentioned, music and heat mix to help create the meditative state which often works so well for me to process, receive, or just be. Probably not an uncommon combination for some of those who can find the time to devote a little attention to self occasionally. The types of songs and singers I have chosen over the years however, may be quite unique. Some of the more prominent artists I have enjoyed in the sauna may sound like anything but relaxing or tantric. There's somethin' about 'em tho. Something about the sounds they blend, the layers they weave together, the rhythms they employ, the energy they express and exude. Two of probably the most interesting examples are David Lee Roth of Van Halen fame, and Billy Idol.

David Lee Roth was an early on favorite for my sweating excursions. I was a Van Halen fan from the beginning, and Diamond Dave rocks. He put out an album years back called "The Best". Its a best of collection from his solo work, all blues tunes, and I've probably heard all 20 songs at least as many times. One that got played even more is called "Sensible Shoes". Of course, I know it by heart and I love to sing along, but only when no one else is in the sauna. Voice lessons first, then public singing....maybe. To this day, I still can't put my finger on what it is about that song that held my attention for so long. The words tell of a man who has just about everything; money, cars, popularity, friends, etc. Yet he's still blue because, as he sings it, "Lost my soul when I walked out on you, I need some sensible shoes."

To hear all the words, you immediately think of the literal or obvious messages they provide. There is so much more beneath tho, that sometimes registers partially, but never quite gets full awareness. The song often conjures up feelings of seeking or searching. For what, I don't yet know. I'll keep listening.

Billy Idol. Now there's an easy meditation connection right? No? Well, I just grab what grabs as I'm leaving for the club, so what can I say. His album, "Vital Idol" has some extended play versions of songs which pulled me in. "Forgot To Be A Lover" is a good example. The radio version isn't one I ever really enjoyed that much. But I found myself listening to the long song, and particularly one middle section where the tracks are broken down to the basics. Strong rhythm, some chord changes, minimal content. Then, slowly, each track is reintroduced until you pop back into the main theme full tilt. It was mesmerizing. I had to listen a few times to get into the right state, but then it was like I would drift into a whole other world. The beat became a pulse and the chord changes guided me deeper and deeper, while I consciously observed and wondered about what I was experiencing. Images would appear and then morph, dreamlike, into new ones. Then I might start to notice a common thread in the images, or maybe a thought would just pop in.

Pretty soon, the music would crescendo back up to the main compilation and bring me back with it. At that point, I often had a new clarity or a new perspective that I hadn't considered before.

--fast forward to today, Nov. 20th, 2008--

There are many artists and songs which are uniquely intriguing to me that I have enjoyed over the years. Perhaps I will write of them at a different time. My guess is I will have other ideas that are more current to consider. For now, the new iPod is in my workout bag, the music is rapidly changing due to the new flexibility I have over the old CD player, and an odd development is occurring. I'm seemingly losing interest in listening to music during my sauna's. Sure. I finally get the new gadget, and I may not need it anymore. Another lesson in flexibility and eliminating attachments? Probably. A challenge in managing frustration and the desire to know why? Definitely. The less I think, the less frustrated I get, so, turn off the brain. At least the analytical and controlling part. It is getting easier the more I practice.

Perhaps the listening is just one aspect in a changing life that has been important and prominent at times, but is now ready to be released in favor of something else. The shear length of time I have been listening while baking is one of the aspects of it that make me a little resistant to let the transience be a possibility. It's been like an old friend; comforting and known. Am I thru with music in the sauna? That remains to be seen. I'll endeavor to listen to my heart before each session and see whether I'll then be listening to music as well.

I had a thought along those same lines just a few days ago. My friend Todd and I have begun the challenging sport of rock climbing at Lifetime Fitness where we are both members. It's fun, exciting and a great workout. I really like it and want to be doing it a lot more than I am able to allot time for it. I was thinking about climbing when I suddenly wondered, "How long will I be into this, and what will it feel like to not have the desire anymore?" There was some fear and a little gripping feeling like, "I want to hang on to this; don't let the desire slip away; what if I've invested a lot in it; should I spend the time if I don't continue doing it long term?" Right away I noticed the "should" in there and realized I was holding on a little tight (interesting parallel to climbing, yes?).

It then occurred to me that it really doesn't matter how long I do this sport, as long as I enjoy the climbing while I'm doing it. There's no mandatory duration based on how much I learn or how far I go with it. Expectations of this nature are not necessary, and they can sometimes lead to disappointment if they are not met when other activities get prioritized. Then I thought, hey, life is like that too. I can remember many times when I had been missing some of the fun because I was thinking about and anticipating the end of the activity or event. No doubt, it can be difficult when "good" things are over. Sadness, frustration, disappointment, even anger are real and valid emotional responses to change. But to plan on them ahead of time makes them more powerful and, arguably, more destructive than they need be. Maybe disruptive is a better word than destructive; you decide.

And anyway, who's to say that something better won't come along in the changes. Maybe the next thing will be thrilling and joyful and make you laugh out loud uncontrollably. Sweet! There are possibilities that we never consider or even imagine which, if allowed to manifest, can go light years beyond "pleasantly surprised". If I stay present and curious, there's a good chance I will be amazed and delighted at what comes next. Maybe the next thing after indoor climbing is real outdoor rock climbing, or repelling, or white water kayaking, or something totally different! I'm gonna wait and see what happens. (Todd will be really happy to read this, he's a bit of a sports nut and always looking for adventure. Someday I may even get him to go skydiving!)

Is there anything you're doing in life because you feel you're expected to (by others or yourself)? Do you still want to, and if not, is it necessary to continue? What would happen if you stopped? What might you do instead?

And is there anything you're not doing because of those same type of expectations? What if you started doing something with the idea that you'll only do it as long as its fun? Does this idea add to the excitement? Does it take some of the pressure off? Do you feel more likely to get started with it?

Have fun finding out!

Hot New Electronics

Well, I finally did it. I bought an iPod. And let me tell you (as if most of you didn't already know), it is nice! The old CD player had been dropped once too often and was eating batteries at an alarming rate. It was either pony up for a technological upgrade or spend almost as much on a new disc machine and then the continue replacing the batteries every so often. I chose to pony up.

I first used the new contraption (do I sound like my Dad here or what?) a day or two after the election and was quite excited about it. The iPod worked well and offers so much flexibility in what I can listen to, all at the touch of a wheel. Instead of just the one disc available at a time, I was skippin' back and forth and all around amongst 6 or 8 albums and several of my own collections. Cool man.

The workout was good and the sauna was hot as usual. Many thoughts were jumping in and out of my head while sweating and listening. They were seemingly random, kinda like the song selections I was making. I considered the marvel that is the always changing technology available to us now. I assessed whether the iPod clip for the waist band or the arm band would suit me best. I wondered in what direction the president elect would lead the country once inaugurated in January. I pictured how well my daughter would do on her very first ever spelling test the next Friday (she aced it by the way). Lots of thoughts; not any real cohesion or pattern to them that I discerned. The session lasted about 25 minutes and then I needed to cool off.

Later that night, I opened an e-mail from a friend informing me that a new blog post was available for my reading pleasure. I was pleased to see the e-mail because I wondered what was up with this person. She's a staunch Obama supporter, and I figured I'd get multiple ecstatic e-mails and one or more phone calls after he won the election. I hadn't, and when I read her blog I knew why. I wasn't ready for the reaction I had.

Seems she is experiencing a profound balancing and centering which coincided with the election result. Her blog was beautifully written and moving in its content and message. I was and am genuinely glad for her new found inner peace.....and then I thought, great, when do I get my major breakthru!? Hello ego. When do I get to move forward with some new found inner wisdom and be in a place of balance and clarity? I felt like I was going to be left behind in the transformation of the world. You should know, there are other people I trust and go to for guidance that are also heavily involved in helping move the energy of our people and the planet. They are so in touch anyway, but now are really revved up and making great contributions to the world. I was reviewing all of the events of the recent few days and came to the conclusion that for me to be excited about an iPod was pretty ridiculous. What the h**l difference did that make in the grand scheme of things?

Well, within minutes, I was feeling really low, bordering on full out depression. I couldn't see how I was going to make any noteworthy contribution to the world....ever. And I was jealous of my friend's personal success and my professional affiliates' efforts and successes as well. And Obama is going to lead this huge energetic shift.....what about me!?! What could I possibly have to offer? It felt really crappy. It is interesting to note that I was aware of what was happening in an objective, observer kind of way throughout the whole event. I new my ego was reacting to everything, and of course that realization made it feel even worse. No contribution or recognition, and disappointment in knowing I wasn't as evolved as I thought in removing my ego's not so beneficial attributes. Woe is me.

Then, just at the perfect moment, my sister called. She has been having some serious difficulties as of late, and we have been keeping in closer touch than usual. Through all of her hard times, she manages to keep in relatively good spirits and maintains a great sense of humor, all the while caring for a three year old little boy who is a challenge and a delight. It was the perfect moment because hearing her voice saved me from sinking too deeply into my own personal disillusioned state. If she could handle tough times in such a positive way, what was I complaining about. I had so much to be thankful for regardless of whether or not I ever got into a public role. And I knew I had contributed already. I'm a father, a husband, a healer, a friend, a brother, and much more. We all contribute to the world in a vaulable way by just being here and doing what we do everyday. My sister offered something I think is right on. She said if my iPod is what excites me, then that's what's important for me at that moment for my life. Why would that be less valid than cheering for a new president or anything else if it truly feels exciting? Even in her troubled times, she is able to offer insightful and useful perspectives, and for me, it really hit home.

So rather than depressed, I am grateful. Grateful for many things which include a wonderful sister, a loving wife, a smart and lovely child, a centered and balanced friend who can be a role model for me, and the excitement of having a new way to play my music in the sauna. I know sometime, hopefully soon, I will begin contributing to the world in a bigger, more expansive way. Even then, it will be important to contribute in the same ways I already do. I don't want to change it all, just add to the repertoire. And I will ask my ego to support me in the ways I need it to rather than in ways that make me compare and try to get ahead. I was going to say, be humble, but that too is a comparison and a judgement. Perhaps that is a discussion for another time, but suffice it to say that I don't think arrogance or humility apply when you're able to live in the moment; to Just Be.

What do you get excited about? What experiences, large or small, provide you with joy, a sense of fullfilment, or pure satisfaction? Do you take the time to just enjoy those feelings or do you allow the "bigger picture" to dictate their value? If you don't usually, take the time, if only a moment, to acknowledge those feelings when they arrive. You will be pleasantly surprised.

Hot and Bothered

My sauna time is time fairly well guarded, because there isn't anywhere like it for me. As I've mentioned before, it's my place to shut out the rest of the world and just be, usually listening to music.

Well, one afternoon last week, I was beginning my sweat when three gentlemen came into the sauna. It was obvious very soon that my music was never going to be loud enough to cover the voice of one guy in particular, and I had arrived only shortly before they did, so there I was. Well I wasn't about to short change myself on heat, so I found myself a little irritated and basically forced to listen in.

The men were all somewhere around 65 to 70 years old. The loud talker dominated the conversation, and he was describing a situation involving his love of one of the baseball teams in Chicago. Seems he has been a fan for decades and can name the team roster and staff from the 1959 team by heart. May have been a pennant winner, I'm not sure. Since his retirement, he has begun collecting team memorabilia as a hobby. As he continued to talk, I began to think about how people sometimes define their lives by devoting significant amounts of time, and sometimes money, to sporting events and teams. We've all heard the term "football widow" for example. Come Sunday in the fall, you know where you can find "Bob". And don't even think about scheduling anything else with "Bob" for that afternoon, cause it just ain't gonna happen.

As I began sifting thru all the things a day in front of the big screen involves; food, friends, team spirit, rivalry (both friendly and sometimes not), etc., what kept coming back as the main focus of the event was the competition. One team against the other struggling for power, domination, reputation, bragging rights, fear of ridicule when you're team loses the game, etc. You might be saying, well duh! But it seems important to state, even if it looks obvious. Why is this important? Well, I'm getting to that.

Used to be that opposition, competition, taking sides, trying to get ahead of the perceived opponent was a reflection of the energetic system we lived in. The dualistic nature of things meant that polarization, dueling, feuds, and sheer will power to succeed were how things got done and how people made their way in the world. Survival of the fittest. Concurrently, people often would define their lives and themselves by how many games they had won, how many opponents had been cast aside, how many realms had been conquered. Theses happenings were often considered the most relevant and valued indicators and mileposts along the road of life.

Today, we find ourselves in a new energetic system. One in which will power and high mental processing seem to make it more difficult to succeed. One that functions optimally on cooperation, good will, and love. A system in which trying to make things happen is becoming more and more difficult, and staying present and working with the environmental energy is the key. In many ways, the new system is easier. You don't have to know everything, you still set goals, you still plan ahead, but not nearly as extensively or detailed, and, if you practice being aware, the next step comes naturally and effortlessly. It takes practice to allow the path to unfold, as opposed to creating it all yourself, but from what I have experienced when I've been able to let it flow, it works very well. I wish I could say I've mastered the art, but there is always something to learn, there are always surprises, and the journey continues every moment.

So what of our sports enthusiasts and fanatics? How will this new system affect the games, the players, and the spectators? Will the games continue as competition is redefined in a way that flows with the new energy? Maybe. Will players and fans simply stay enthusiastic out of a love for the action rather than the outcome? Perhaps. Will competitive gaming disappear altogether in favor of more cooperative and congenial activities? I wonder. And lastly, will people define themselves and their existences differently, relying less on achievements and more on current experiences? Will they feel it necessary to define themselves at all? It remains to be seen, and I don't have a crystal ball to find out (I'm pretty sure that's a big responsibility I wouldn't want anyway). We'll just have to allow it all to unfold naturally.

So what are the important milestones in your life? What is relevant and valuable for your existence? What would happen if you set your goals and then let the path show you how to achieve them?

Keeping Cool When the Heat Is On

Seems like all my time soaking up the heat in the sauna has paid off in an unexpected way. Today, I gave a 30 minute talk to a grief group to offer new ideas about dealing with loss and grief. Sounds simple enough, but if you're me, traditionally this would really make me sweat.

I got a call last Spring from the organizer of this series which is presented weekly for 8 weeks total. She had seen my ad in one of the local magazines and wondered if I would be interested in speaking the week of October 23rd. I accepted thinking, "its months away, and by then maybe I'll actually be able to speak to a group." All the while knowing I was dreading the whole concept. For any of my Class J friends reading this, I know what you're thinking. "This guy bombed during a 15 minute speech in coaching class, how did he think this was going to work?" Honestly, I had no clue.

So the months went by and every now and then I'd remember the engagement and the fear I felt towards it. I mean, who was I to offer anything to a seniors group dealing with the loss of a spouse or another family member? Grief is a heavy topic for many, and especially those potentially wondering how long they themselves might have left. I'm no kid, but I'm no senior citizen either. How could I possibly relate? "Don't think about that right now, its still a long ways off."

The last year of my life and particularly June, July, and August have been the worst experience I've ever been thru and there were many times when I wondered what the heck it was all for. Personal transformation is supposed to be about enjoying more of life, not sinking into anger, sadness, fear, and depression, right? Well believe me, I went to those places and stayed for what seemed a really long time. There were moments of enjoyment and sometimes fun, but they were always tinged by perceived pressures and stress. I always knew I had to go back to the hard times. And of course it didn't help that I hadn't earned a paycheck in over 4 years. The wife was more than a little stressed about our financial situation. Somehow, I didn't sweat that portion nearly as much as she.

I had one particular rant process that I got caught in and repeated many times dealing with large philosophical issues of what's the point, why did things get so rough, and how could all this be allowed to happen, etc. Big questions; lots of thinking and wanting to know why. A very mentally oriented progression.

Then I began to realize, part of me was wanting to stay mad and depressed and lost. In that perverse way we humans sometimes act, I felt more comfortable in the crappy states than I did venturing out into the unknown, so I just stayed put. The real kicker was when I understood that despite my best efforts, I couldn't stay mad, and I'll be darned if I didn't feel kinda OK a good portion of the time! So what now?

A couple of things happened. First, we moved our home close to downtown Minneapolis and significantly downsized our belongings pile (shedding is good). Second, I took a job with a friend of mine. It's temporary and doesn't pay what I'm really worth, but I am grateful for the income, the opportunity to get going again, and the camaraderie. So, less attachment, less stuff, no more moping around feeling like a victim. Now we're getting somewhere.

And then the grief group presentation drew near. What I realized was something a good friend put very nicely into words. During all the hard times and despair, there were changes and transformations occurring which I wasn't aware of consciously. Oh, I hoped they were happening, and I wanted to believe they were happening, but I just couldn't see them happening. And then I noticed something else. I wasn't the slightest bit nervous about the talk I was to give. I was even heard once to say that it was "only 30 minutes". Wow. New outlook there. Used to be, 5 minutes was unbearable. And obviously, we all have something to offer any group we might be involved with. I just had to let things flow.

Today was the day. I had a few little jitters right before the talk, but I was confident and ready. Part of my approach was to think of the group as people rather than an audience, and that I was just going to have a "conversation" with them. That took a lot of the pressure off for me. It went really well! I was confident, relaxed, and comfortable beyond anything I'd ever experienced before. The group seemed very interested in my information, and the feedback was positive and encouraging. One gentleman even stated that I was really smooth! Who woulda thought? And I think I'll get at least one client out of it. I even got paid to speak! Super!

I'm thinking this is a turning point for my life and career. I don't really know what steps are next, but that's really the point. If I put out there what I want and allow the natural abundance and resources to provide it, then I don't need to know until I actually step out. I have a few ideas, and it will be interesting to see which work out. And I feel great today! Perhaps many great feeling days are coming.....oooo that will be nice. I'm ready for that, baby!

My last observation in all this is to see that my sense of loss and grieving thru all of my difficult times helped me to relate to the topic and more importantly to the people in their time of loss and pain. It is my sincere hope that I was able to offer them something useful and meaningful for their lives.

So, what might you be processing and transforming in the midst life's other events? Do you know what you want and what thrills you?

Heating Up Again - Finally

"Welcome back to the sauna" I thought as I stepped in today for the first time in weeks. I was excited to be exercising and allowing myself some quality alone time after not doing it for some time. Felt darn good! The workout was pretty decent, but the sauna was wonderful. I do so enjoy the experience.

Many, many changes for me lately, continuing the ongoing "transformations" so many are experiencing these days. Something must be happening because on Monday, I enjoyed a whole day of something that has been scarce for quite a while. I was inexplicably happy. No known cause or event to attribute it to, just happy and noticing the happiness also. At times I was openly laughing or just giggling about the smallest things. It was great! The laughing is important for more than just the obvious reasons. I learned recently that what I formerly thought was a nervous laugh, which would occur at the most interesting and sometimes uncomfortable times, is actually a "laugh of truth". When I have an awareness that resonates with my essence, often the laugh comes with it. Nice! Could a sign or signal be more perfect? I don't think so. I love it!

So there I am, sweatin' in the hot box, listenin' to the tunes of the day. I chose my first workout CD which I've heard at least 25 times. I compiled a list of songs and burned a disk for my listening pleasure. I have several. I had been listening during the workout portion too, but I found the songs which came on in the sauna to be most thought provoking. In order they were: "Roll with the Changes" by REO, "Middle of the Road" by The Pretenders, "Can't Get There From Here" by R.E.M., "I Know A Little" by Lynyrd Skynyrd, and "Dream Police" by Cheap Trick. Yes, yes, I'm an 80's boy. It's amazing when you realize things that seem so obvious, and have been right there in front of you for a long time. How did I chose so many songs that speak to my current situation before I even knew what my current situation was? How long has my unconscious been trying to tell me this stuff.

For example: Roll With the Changes; could the concept be more obviously helpful when transforming? I'm trying to allow myself to do just that. Middle of the Road; I love the lyrics. "Middle of the road, it's trying to find me. I'm standing in the middle of life with my pants behind me." Finding balance and being centered, things I'm also trying to allow. So then I start thinking about how a lead singer or any talented person gets to do those awesome gigs. My guess is that you simply ask yourself, "What am I good at that I can tell others about to get a gig (note I didn't say job) that I love and pays well?" You figure it out and then you go tell people, and since you know its true, you can sell it/yourself fairly easily. Did Krissy Hind do that? So the real question is, what am I good at? I'm a good coach, but that hasn't panned out yet. I need income, preferably lots. Life is abundant, yes?

Back to the list. "Can't Get There From Here". Ever notice the chorus has the lead singing "Can't get there from here." and the background sings "I'll get there, I know the way." To me this is a classic conscious/mental restriction pattern saying I can't do it. The unconscious is underneath saying "I'll do it, I know how" and simply waiting for the brain to get out of the way. How many things is this true for in my life. More than I can currently remember. Next came "I Know A Little". The lyrics say "I know a little 'bout love, baby I'll guess the rest." Two possible hints for me here. First, don't get over confident in what you know, thinking you'll be lucky the rest of the way. Thinking is usually where I get distracted or sidetracked, rather than flowing with the field energy. Second, and kind of opposite but still appropriate, I know enough to understand I the concept of love, and I can just experience and learn more in the moment as it comes along. Both messages seem important to me.

Lastly there was "Dream Police". I love this song and have since it was first recorded. "The dream police, they live inside of my head. The dream police, they come to pee in my bed." "They're looking for me, they're waiting for me. Every single night, they're driving me insane, those men inside my brain." Fun song, and it points me right back to the old mental aspect of my life. I was a pilot for 20 years. Talk about a mental job, with all the regulations and rules and airplane systems to know, my gosh. I was an expert at compartmentalization (word point). I was an excellent aviator. Problem is, I don't fly anymore, and those old brain/mental patterns sometimes get in the way of that allowing I keep mentioning. The song says to me that trying to figure things out instead of just living life is holding me back from having lots of those happy days like the one I had Monday. This of course is not a new concept, but when I get it in my heart, then it gains meaning and perspective. I still find the "no need to know" process to be difficult to live, and I continue to move forward with it. Was the Happy Monday a tease or a taste? I don't really need to know, but I did ask myself anyway. I'm just not waiting for the answer, I've got other things to live.

No final question today, it seems complete right here.

Saunas and Stereotypes

After my workout last evening, I headed for the sauna as I often do. Personal time is at a premium these days, so I feel lucky to get these opportunities and find that I even sometimes extend them purposely to savor the solitude. The wooden paneled room was hot as usual. It's a dry sauna which I prefer because I find it easier to breathe in dry heat. The thermometer sits right around 85Celsius or 170 Fahrenheit. Pretty dang hot!

I'd been disappointed earlier in the evening to find my CD player (yes, the "so 90's" machine) was out of juice, so no tunes tonight. While I wasn't happy about it, going with the flow does sometimes occur and I continued my routine. I had been in the sauna for 5 or 6 minutes when three men came in. They didn't exactly look Somalian, but very dark skin and alternately speaking a foreign language and English. I was curious to learn more when I overheard them commenting about how hot it was in the sauna.

Now being a Caucasian man from Minnesota, it seemed curious to me that these gentlemen were not handling the heat very well, and I was loving it. Tho I try to be as open and unbiased as I can, my hidden stereotypes kicked in and limited the options I had for perceiving the situation. I simply assumed they were from some hot and arid place in the world. Silly me. In my own defense, later on one of the men did say he had never seen snow before and was looking forward to it!

I struck up a conversation with the three and learned that they were from, of all places, New Zealand! Coincidental (if you believe in coincidence) since my wife is waiting to hear whether or not she has received a Fellowship from the University of Otago in southern New Zealand. We traded information about our respective homelands and had a nice, eye opening, but short conversation (they couldn't stay long because of the heat). Did you know New Zealand is 1500 miles from Australia? I thought it was a lot closer. There's a lot you can learn in a short conversation if you're being curious.

Suffice it to say, there's obviously a pattern of stereotyping that exists within me which would probably be good to address and release. Simple, everyday occurrences can show us so much about ourselves and how we perceive the world. It's amazing what a few restrictive patterns can do to our perception of an event or situation. At first, these three men seemed very different and almost unreachable, even tho they were sitting within arms length of me. When I was able to stay curious and remove some of my filters, they immediately became three friendly and engaging people with whom I already had something in common! Small world? You bet!

Is there anyone in your life about whom you know things, even if those things have never been observed or talked about? How did you decide they were true?

What would happen if you "forgot" all you think you know about them and got to know them while being open and curious and staying in the moment?

Alternative Heat Sources

While the sauna is a great place for me to unwind, meditate, and just be, I find there are other ways to purposely or inadvertently turn up the heat in my life. Today, such an event occurred, inadvertently. As I look back on my busy day, it seems almost as tho the whole thing was planned, even orchestrated....somehow.....by someone .....perhaps me. Hindsight is usually pretty clear, altho I hesitate to use the ole' 20/20 cliche, because sometimes you see but you do not get clarity, at least not right away.

The issue at hand was me acting from a place of my own essence, something I'm learning to do. I find this lesson easy to understand and not so easy to employ. Relationships, partnerships, career positions, etc. can and often do become intricately intertwined. And when one party changes behavior, well all h**l can break loose. If the behavior change is a result of an intention which serves the "changer" in a positive way, then the short term uncomfortability or pain is usually worth the shift. It doesn't always make it easy or enjoyable to experience, but call it an investment for the future. When we act of our own essence, we ultimately feel more ourselves, more genuine and authentic. Our surrounding space and people recognize the shift on one or more levels immediately and must adjust their behavior accordingly. For them it can feel shocking, hurtful, even vindictive, but also refreshing, invigorating, and even transformational. You can't predict which way things will go. All you can do is hold your boundary, continue acting of your essence and see what is in each moment. Fears, stress, anxiety, and the unknown show up here; don't forget to breathe. Be on the look-out for support people too. They have a habit of surprising you when you least expect it and when you may need them the most. Acting of essence can feel very lonely, no matter how many people are around, so be open to those who will lend a hand or an ear or a shoulder.

Taken out of context, this next bit sounds a little odd. After the heat was turned up a few dozen notches, I removed myself from the "fire place". Never before has that been the case, and please know, I did not run away or leave in the bigger sense of the word. And then I went and had fun with friends. Also seems strange, but in hindsight again, I can't really picture releasing my anguish in any better way. I was at ValleyFair, and the best part was the roller coaster called "Wild Thing". A buddy of mine and I rode it 4 times in a row and screamed the entire way each time. I'm a little hoarse, but what a great way to blow off steam. It was a blast! I confided only the smallest bit of my situation, but everyone sensed my pain and was more supportive than I had expected. Very few words, some hugs and lots of love. Nice.

The day is at a close, my head feels kind of feverish. The fire is now smoldering under the ashes. Will there be a flare-up, or will the fire extinguish and the energy rise up in a welcome new form? Hard to say, and I have significant amounts of fear and apprehension over the whole affair. I'm a person who traditionally has liked knowing outcomes and maintaining control of the situation. To abandon the known and allow the flow is another set of lessons in the learning stages for me, so I feel trepidation over things like this. Just Live. Don't forget to breathe. I will do my best.

What would happen if I decided that not knowing is easier than knowing? What if I decided that any/every outcome was OK?

Some Like It Hot!

Everyone needs a place to just be themselves. Somewhere we feel separated and isolated from everyone and everything else, and in a good way. A place to reflect, relax, reconnect with self, or perhaps explore inner thoughts and ideas our soul is waiting for us to notice and understand. Or not. Sometimes you don't do anything at all! But that's OK because our special space is for whatever is happening for us alone, and no one else.

I really enjoy my alone time in the sauna. I get a work out and then spend 20 or 30 minutes in the heat. Usually you'll see me with headphones on, zoned out to the music. My music comes out of an old portable CD player. Very 90's, and I'm often applauded for having an "old school" player (but only by the "old school" people). Interestingly, the music plays a big part of the experience for me. Just the decision to have the music on or not seems important to my process. Occasionally, silence offers the distraction my conscious mind wants or needs to allow introspection and notice what's going on deep inside. Other times, I listen very closely to the selections I've chosen, and even analyze them (more about those selections in another blog). And of course, I often shift around in between the two extremes, it really depends on the moment.

I started this little ritual 5 years ago, give or take. At first, I didn't realize what was opening up for me. But apparently the alone time coupled with heat and music help to bring down some of my barriers and get me into a meditative state. I don't completely understand it, but it works.

And then, my soul speaks.

Sometimes its loud and obvious. "Get out, you've been in here long enough!" Other times its a subtle nudge. So subtle that things often don't register consciously until hours or days later. "Its time to acknowledge your fear." My favorite times are the "aha" moments when, out of the blue, things all seem to make sense. At least for a while anyway. There's always a new perspective to gain or lesson to learn. This is a good thing, even tho frustrating at times. I truly feel that the real "experts" in the world are those who are continually wanting to learn more, whatever the topic may be.

So, my first blog entry comes to a close. There's a lot of stuff that's come up over the last five years in the hot seat. I'll probably try to mix old ideas and current ones in the entries, whichever feel most appropriate. We'll just have to see how this goes.

I have this habit of ending conversations (blog entries too) with a question.....so here goes.

Where can you go to "just be"?