Consider-ate Perspectives

Sitting in the sauna a couple of weeks ago, I heard my phone ring. The dispatcher at the limousine company I drive for asked if I wanted a one-way trip in our 14 passenger Excursion worth only one hour of pay and including a fair distance driving. She informed me that the people were, "probably going to be trouble". I interpreted this to mean high maintenance or discourteous in some way. She said they had been difficult to work with over the phone, and they would not honor the two hour minimum policy. I said I would take the trip.

As I was traveling to pick up the group, I admit I was a bit apprehensive and wondered what the trip would be like given the info I had received. I consciously try to let my own experience dictate my feelings and opinions, but you can't always ignore outside information.

When I arrived, it turned out this was a wedding party for a couple and their families originally from Guinea in western Africa. The initial discussion was a bit challenging due mostly to my apprehension and a bit of a language issue, but we soon established comfortable communication, and the next hour was a delight! These people smiled more than any group I've ever been in.

Turns out the evening was a reception style event which was the culmination of a lengthy courtship and wedding process. The couple were to be received at the destination and all was filmed and documented as usual. The party was genuinely thrilled to have gotten a ride in the limousine, and there were no less than three tapings while the party exited the vehicle. (They had to repeat twice due to lighting issues.)

The whole wedding party was dressed in beautiful dresses and suits. The long dresses had bright colorful patterns in rich materials, and the men's suits were of a very comfortable looking linen fabric with silver and glass sequin design accents. The Matriarch of the family also wore a large colorful headdress to denote her status, and her husband could not have looked more pleased with the whole affair. The two of them together acted as if they were still on their own honeymoon.

As I was standing watching the second and third tapings of the arrival, a boy of about 7, who had been very excited to ride in the limo, came up to me with a thoughtful look on his face and said,"Would you like to come inside and get something to eat?" I smiled and thanked him, but politely declined, explaining I needed to stay with the limo. He looked thoughtful some more and then asked,"Well ..... then shouldn't we go get you some food to bring out here?" The little guy stole my heart on the spot!

I again had to decline but made sure to let him know how much I appreciated his kindness. Then I spoke to the husband of the Matriarch again, and I said, "What a thoughtful little boy" to which he replied with a warm smile, "We raise them that way." And I thought, we could all do that!

I felt so glad to have been able to be a small part of such a joyous occasion. Just that one brief hour provided them with a chance to do something rare and fun which added to their already wonderful day, and provided me with a feeling of great contentment and satisfaction for just helping out and being around such happy people. I wished they had wanted to use the limo for another hour just so I could stay with them for a while longer.

Isn't it interesting how the perception of two separate people interacting with a common third party can be so vastly different. Our mood, environment, prejudices, past experiences, impressions, etc. are so subjective and personal that we can all see even the exact same event in very different ways and react with very different emotions. To one person, these folks were trouble. And to another they were an uplifting delight. Both perceptions equally valid and yet seemingly completely opposite.

A skilled networking expert once told me that you can always find something to appreciate about a person or group, even if you do not like to be around them. What an excellent way to change your perception of that person and the experience you have with them. Situations are almost always more enjoyable when you feel appreciation and gratitude, even for the simplest or smallest aspect of the interaction. If I had been the dispatcher in my real life example, I bet the phone conversation and my impression of the client would have been improved by simply remembering to appreciate the call regardless of the outcome.

Finding one or more things to appreciate each day, particularly about difficult or uncomfortable situations is a sure way to brighten our disposition and improve our outlook on life.

What perception in your life could be altered by using appreciation and gratitude?
Is there a person, friendly or not, with whom you can find something new to appreciate?
If so, could you communicate your appreciation (large or small) to them without any return expectation?
If you did tell them, would that expression relieve tension or stress for you and/or them?

Catching Up...or Am I?

Wow, more than a month since the last post. Things keep moving and somehow little seems to change. I trust the under-workings are building foundation layers to support my brave, exciting and passion filled new life. Until then, I'm driving a limo.

Yep, transportation is a large part of my life, and really, probably a big part of everyone's life in more ways than one. A little over a month ago I started driving for a company in St. Paul to create cash flow and get some motion into my existence. It's a small company with a few town cars and a few stretch limousines. Business has been slow for a couple years for them, but they were looking for weekend warriors so I signed up. I've actually been driving as much during the week as the weekend, but you have to take what you can get. I suspect many folks are in different stages of survival mode right now.

The work is fairly enjoyable, the down time a little frustrating, and the money is acceptable... for now. I am grateful to have something, and tho the hours vary widely, at least there is flexibility and some freedom in between assignments to do as I please. Luckily, that means more sauna time of late, and we all know how I do enjoy the heat!

I found the hot soaks have been very much about just relaxing and sweating these last weeks, and there is a comfort in that for me. I've given myself a chance to turn off the "transformation machine", and just be for a while. Yes, there are moments when I get frustrated thinking I deserve more and shouldn't have to work so hard to get it. After all, I used to be an airline pilot for Pete's sake! And these feelings offer me moments to think about my ego and it's associated processes. (By the way, why does Pete get all the attention anyway?)

My thoughts have been going there a lot when driving because I transport many different individuals with their specific energies and attitudes. Some see me as just the controlling part of the vehicle and thus do not interact much. Some are even obviously scornful of my "position" in life. Others are curious and interested in me and what I do and how one becomes a chauffeur. Those trips go by the fastest because of the conversations, which I often really enjoy.

So I think about things like: where I am in life, and how I got to this point, and what it is about that I get angry sometimes because I'm not where I'd like to be. What do I deserve, and is deserving even the point? Am I really wasting my talents as a limo driver? And how can I simply drop the judgments and live now. Am I stressed out? And if so, what a blessing I don't perceive it too much, if you get my meaning. Perhaps I'm not consciously ready to know how stressed I may really be. Time will tell.

Thanksgiving holiday is rapidly approaching and I can't believe how fast time travels. Halloween seems like a distant memory and before I can wrap my head around it, Christmas will be here. I truly am amazed at how things fly by.

So that's the update from Soul Sauna land. I honestly wish I felt more was happening both visibly and deep down. Again, time will clarify somethings and blur others, but forward is the direction we always go (like it or not).

Question(s): Were are you going? How comfortable are you with your life's disposition? How comfortable could you allow yourself to be if you dropped all the comparisons and judgments? Do you deserve your life? Or do we all deserve the best of everything life has to offer? If you could transport yourself to somewhere, where would you go?

Happy Thanksgiving!

What's In It For Me? A Loaded Question.

I attended a presentation tonight that really made me uncomfortable in a very personal way. That hot mental/spiritual debate kind of uncomfortable that results in me not being able to sit still for very long.

The presenter is a successful and well known executive coach and public speaker who travels the world practicing her art and presenting her material. My first challenge was to be open to the learning and wisdom she had to offer even tho I did not care for her speaking style. She seemed a bit into herself and her philosophy, and there was enough judgement in her words to get my attention. Interestingly, a good percentage of the audience, as observed by their comments and expressions, seemed to have her on some sort of pedestal - exact height unknown. Also, she used a PowerPoint projection, but was not familiar with it and fiddling with it broke her rhythm multiple times.

Once I was able to put aside the distractions, I paid attention to what she was offering. Sometimes only in concept rather than the exact words. She carries great enthusiasm for her work, and it is infectious. We were often laughing and enjoying an exchange of information within the group. Like most effective speakers I have observed, she truly believes in what she's saying and came across as very genuine.

Where I got uncomfortable was when ideas were spoken that do not match my own. I found myself competing internally between resisting the information as wrong or missing the mark, and accepting her right to her own place and experience in this life. At times a felt I knew more or better. Hello ego. Herein lies the first of several points of awareness I received about myself. Awareness being the key word here. To be aware and to be conscious are two different things. I am aware of my ego issues, but have not shifted into the consciousness of letting them go.

Many of her concepts did match my own, which brought up another question within. I know I have valuable things to offer people thru coaching and public speaking, but I wonder how much is my own take and how much is simply rearranged pieces picked up from other people. Are my thoughts unique enough to call my own with total integrity? I can think of several angles which I know to be of my own philosophy, and the talks I've done and the articles I've written have been well received, and yet I still have doubts.

Aha! There it is. I realize at this moment that I'm thinking about what I can offer in terms of where the credit should be given and what I can gain rather than the value it can hold for someone listening. If my intention is purely to provide information to help others, it doesn't matter who else may have thought or said it first. I have the awareness; now I want to transform it into my consciousness. Cool.

There are other aspects to the evening that kept me uncomfortable and working. One or two I may discuss a different time, but for now I'll jump to the end.

As the program got close to the end, I began using a tool I heard about at a networking gathering a month or so ago. It is the tool of appreciation. I consciously began to find the things I appreciated about the speaker. Her dynamism, positive attitude, joy, and her willingness to offer. And most notably, how much she provided for me by simply being there.

Along with some new perspectives on a couple ideas, the material she presented was already familiar to me. But the reactions I felt, the debates I entertained in my head, and the awareness I received as a result of her talk were quite enlightening and even profound. Proof positive that even the same-old same-old always has the potential to be something different.

Before I left, I made sure to take action and show my appreciation by thanking her for coming and telling her how thought provoking I found the presentation to be. I couldn't honestly tell her I enjoyed it, but I certainly see the value in the experience and am grateful for it.

There is much for me to absorb and integrate from tonight. Assuredly, some of it will lead from greater awareness to greater consciousness. So I've got that goin' for me, which is nice.

How about you?

What internal challenges do you find yourself facing from day to day?
Ever had an experience that had a totally unexpected outcome or benefit?
What awareness can you transform into consciousness?

Farewell and Welcome

Oddly, during the last 2 months, I have enjoyed visiting the sauna more frequently than usual and blogged almost not at all. I have an idea or two as to why this has been.

First, I think I've just been sick and tired of focusing on change and evolution and transformation. Don't get me wrong, I've still been learning and exploring aspects of myself which could very well use a tweak; just doing so via things like writing, looking for work, studying new ways to market my business, researching book publishing possibilities, tele-classes, etc. And actually, believe it or not, we all have parts of our being that don't need anything. Simple understanding and awareness of them is evolution enough, a concept that's easy to forget if you get too wrapped up in introspective work. We all gotta live a little (or a lot).

It also occurs to me that it's time for finally saying farewell to the old, hashed over stuff, and say welcome to the new. Sure, it sounds obvious, sort of like that's the whole point. But really, I've been focusing a bit too much on what to get rid of instead of what to keep and what new to do next. If you only look down at your feet while walking, you'll see what's tripping you up, but you won't be able to balance for the next step. Something inside me wants to look up and run, not to get away, but to get going.

A while back, I blogged about listening to my old music simply for the enjoyment of the music, not longing for the memories it brought back. I still cherish the memories; they are uniquely mine and part of my journey, but I don't let them drag me into the past.

Yesterday, I was thinking about music from my school years. There were groups I didn't like back then that I do now, I think because they were just a part of growing up and what was happening in that time. The other groups I like from those years are the ones whose songs and style I really loved right away, and still do There were a bunch...I lost track of how many I could recall.

Now I find myself looking for new music and bands, but I don't seem to be able to find any which inspire or even interest me. I hope I find some soon because as write this, I realize that the tunes I've got on the ole' iPod are starting to feel hollow and empty. The beat goes on but the energy is draining away leaving an empty shell. I'm not trying for anything depressing here, just observing what came up in this moment. I'll keep my ears open for new stuff.

What are you ready to say farewell to in your life?
What are you ready to welcome in?
As you go thru life, are you looking at you shoes or focusing out front?

"Minnesota Nice".....and Sincere.

I had just finished my workout and was getting ready to take a sauna when I overheard what has to be the quintessential "Minnesota Nice" conversation. I found myself chuckling after the brief encounter. Two men were passing each other in the locker room; one coming in and one going out. I didn't see them, but hear is what I heard (exclamation points are intentional):

"Hey! How are ya!?!"
"Hi! Good, real good, how are you?"
"Good, good! It's been a long time!"
"Yeah, a really long time, really long! How have you been?"
"Good, good! How 'bout you?"
"Oh, good, good! How are the kids?"
"Good, really good! How 'bout yours?"
"Oh good, good! One was sick recently, but good, good!"
"Hey, I gotta run, but it was great to see ya!"
"Yeah, great to see you too! Let's get together soon!"
"Sounds good! Let's do that!"
"All right, take care now!"
"Ok, you too, now! See ya later!"
"See ya later!"

The whole exchange lasted just a few short seconds. And the inflection in their voices was some combination of startled excitement, pleasant surprise, and "let's keep this short but polite and let's make sure we cover everything." Had the two been angry, the whole thing could have been a heated argument. The pitch of their voices and the hurried pace of their short sentences would have fit in either scenario. And I chuckled....this is Minnesota Nice at its finest.

As I replayed the short conversation in my head, a couple things occurred to me. Obviously, I was amused, but also amazed at the speed and dexterity with which they traded words. It was almost as if they had rehearsed it as a scene in some life-like play. Actually, I think they and many others have done just that. This is of course a stereotype, but how many of us have trained ourselves from an early age to have quick and seemingly shallow conversations just like this one. Aren't cultural customs interesting.

For example, in Minnesota, instead of "hello", we often say "How are you?" or "How's it goin'?" And how many of us have felt uncomfortable when that rare open person breaks the code and actually responds with something that's maybe not so good. "Well, ya know, not so great. You see, this deal happened the other day...." Oh my gosh, you're just being polite and saying hi, so what do you do now!?! Somehow, you have to act interested and concerned, but not spend any real time in the chat. A real balancing act here. A nice out is a previous commitment, real or created. "Wow, that's too bad!. Hey, I gotta run, but let's talk later and you can tell me about it. Take care." Whew, that was close.

But is it really as insincere as my satire may suggest? Sometimes, yes. But not always, I suspect.

Thru my coaching work I know for a fact that Minnesotans are pretty deep folks once you get past the "everything's ok" front. The problem is, somewhere way back it was decided, either consciously or not, that in our communities, telling someone about your troubles or concerns is somehow a burden to them and therefore impolite or incosiderate. Some even consider such an open expression as being weak and out of control. So many of us simply pretend everything is "A-OK" unless there is a specific understanding that it's all right to spill the beans. As tennis player Andre' Agassi's TV commercial used to say, "Image is everything."

Interestingly, the two gentleman of today's little play actually seemed to get something meaningful from their short verse. I didn't see them interact, but I could feel their energy, and there was an under-current of sincerity to it. Beneath the paper-thin facade, they genuinely were happy and excited to see each other. I imagine the "getting together soon" piece will never come to pass, but perhaps both men will enjoy something like a warm fuzzy and as a result have a better day. Sometimes it's just nice to see someone you haven't seen for a while, even if only for a few seconds.

My wife is not from Minnesota originally, and we've often talked about this cultural phenomenon. She finds it a bit irritating. In her neck of the woods, they say "Hey". And when they ask how you're doing, they usually really want to know! There are times when I intentionally ask how someone is doing with an expectation of hearing the real story. Often I'll get the standard response, so then I have to ask twice. Occasionally, this approach startles people and jolts them out of their usual pattern. I admit that's partly why I do it, but mostly it's because I'm interested and sense that the person would like to talk about something.

So rather than a question tonight, here's a challenge: Take note of how you greet people, and just once (or more if you want), take the time to find out how someone is really doing. Listen intently to their story and if need be, let them vent a bit. My bet is the other person will enjoy the chance to talk and appreciate your thoughtfulness. And you'd be surprised what you might learn, about them and about yourself.

I'd love to hear the results, so let's talk soon! Yeah, right.

Seriously, I would appreciate a comment on the blog. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Eric

"Q & A with the Creator" - from Feb. 2008

In February of 2008, I spent 3 days completely alone to do some soul searching. During that time I did a fair amount of free writing, and one session yielded the following Q & A with Creator. It is as pertinent for me today as it was then. It is edited for the number of questions due to personal content. The rest is re-typed as originally written, and I hope you will find the dialogue to be useful.

"Q. (Me) Why am I writing this?
A. (Creator) Writing is a flow and can be accomplished easily and without much conscious thought. You need to let go your conscious process to tap into deeper experience. Yin is ready to receive from you and from universe. Be open & free of restriction & binding thought. Your need to control is strong and can be dissipated quickly if & when open to doing so. Fear is a key factor in all this movement, and escape of it is a really important piece. Find your inner satisfaction with what is. Be open to now.

Q. What is "now"?
A. Now is here. Fear is not now. Fear is then and there. Now is free. Walk openly through now to find peace. Why fight it? You do this with your daughter already. She is your guide. Harbor no grudges; hold no remorse or anxiety. Embrace love & life. It is all you have. Yes, your resources are greater than you think.

Q. What is my purpose?
A. Your purpose is many-fold. Your experience is limited but very full indeed. Your concern is interesting but unnecessary. Weave thoughts openly thru your existence to achieve understandings not necessarily desired or expected. Live & be free of worry or doubt. To flow with the field in harmony and creation. Feel what is to be felt and know what is to be known. You are human and immortal together. This can be difficult to reconcile before you're ready.

Q. Why do we agree to come down & experience such pain?
A. Our souls do not interpret pain in the same way our bodies & minds do. It is more an adventure that a state or emotion.

Q. Where does pain come form and why is it more attended to than love or joy?
A. The old field encouraged these processes. Be aware of the old ways within yourself. Shed when you can in favor of unfettered awareness & fulfillment.

Q. These answers are so nebulous...why?
A. You are not ready to receive all that is known.

Q. Will I ever be?
A. No.

Q. Why not?
A. Life is too full & profound to be totally aware of. Life as you use the word is not all life as it exists. There is life in between "lives" that is rich & full & totally different in design & experience. Do not be afraid to learn - do not be too eager either. You already know how looking forward can cause setbacks. Learn thru experience whenever possible. Be aware vs. beware.

Q. What kind of idealist am I? A. Total

Q. What is "TOTAL"?
A. Open to all possibility, chance, choice, no limits. You get frustrated when the ideal isn't met in life. Cares about judgement & completion still permeate your thoughts. Release the need to be "perfect". Acknowledge what is. You are perfect right now.

Q. Who am I?
A. An enlightened being struggling to identify a quantity and choice for comfortable being. You are specially designed for travel & discovery. Be enthralled with your essence. You are a god. Be godlike. A native son. Father of time. You are all things.

Q. Is my soul at peace?
A. Yes.

Q. Why am I not?
A. Haste, mistrust, averice, angst, fear, resolve, reluctance, indecision, pain, history, old ways.

Q. Who or What are you?
A. All things, myth, legend, reality, conjecture, creation. I am the source of light & love.

Q. What is life about?
A. Enjoyment, fulfillment, satisfaction, learning, living. It is a process without an end.

Q. Why so much pain for so long - no enjoyment there?
A. Mistake, sorry, undesirable, process.

Q. Why would a soul agree to such discomfort & intrusion?
A. Self-righteous, self-exploration, curiosity, ignorance, indifference, obligation, Karma, desire to learn. Soul does not actually experience pain, the physical body/energy does.

Q. Does the souls understand pain & discomfort and what it can mean?
A. Yes, tho not as you experience it. Souls are now aware of the implications & end result.

Q.Why can't souls eradicate "attached" energies and altered energy systems back to a "clean slate"?
A. Not necessary; it will happen in the new system/field.

Q. Why does the "process" seem so arduous & difficult?
A. It's an awakening and because the conscious is limited, it takes time to complete.

Q. Why is the conscious limited?
A. Safety, rationality.

Q. Do souls have the power to realign?
A. Yes.

Q. Why not just "realign" then & be in the new field?
A. Doesn't work that way. Karma is still a universal law - altho it acts differently in the new field. Honor contracts..." (and then I got frustrated and quit writing).


There are a ton of ideas and concepts to ponder here, but the main theme of the answers is to not give much attention to figuring things out. "Learn by experience whenever possible" is one of the most prominent pieces for me. My next writing session produced an article entitled "Living and Learning In The Moment". I posted it as a blog just prior to this entry for your review. The article presents the idea that we learn best by simply expereincing the moment, a naturally occuring ability which we are quickly taught as children to put aside in favor of thought and intellect.

What is the easiest way for you to tap into to your inner wisdom?
How much of "now" are you experiencing, and how much are you looking forward or backwards, away from now?

"Living and Learning In the Moment", an article

In February of 2008, I wrote this article while sequestered for 3 days to do some soul searching. It was published in several formats in March, 2008 and I have re-printed it here for your review.

“Living and Learning In the Moment”

"My job as a Therapeutic Coach® and facilitator is to guide people to a point where they can choose to live in the moment. A point where they realize that asking “why” or “how” is not important or necessary because they experience both when simply staying present. Often we knowingly or unknowingly hold restrictions which prevent us from living in the moment. These restrictions are boxes that were created to structure our lives, and they are generally no longer necessary. I say generally because I myself, for example, have had indications that releasing mine all at once would not work well ecologically for me. And since I still haven’t let them all go I must assume the time is not yet right. However, I continue to allow the flow of consciously living in the moment more and more as the days move forward.

Early in my career, I experienced an interesting professional setback. I was striving to learn and do more in my practice by forcing the progression of myself, my talents, and my abilities. Thoughts heard inside my head were the likes of, “I know I can do that right now” or “I can do what she does, I’m just doing it with my own style.”

While these thoughts seemed true, I found that the harder I pushed to advance, the foggier and more inconsistent my abilities became, particularly my intuitive sense. My reaction was to take this “reigning in” pretty hard, and I didn’t really understand why it happened. Oh sure, there were many signs pointing to the reason, but I wasn’t yet ready to acknowledge and understand. Eventually, as I lessened the forward pressure, I did begin to understand. And it occurred to me that living in the moment can be described in a learning and experiential framework in this way.

When living in the moment, you are simultaneously learning by simply experiencing what is occurring. There are no thoughts of struggling, competing, or accomplishing. You stay present and realize what you are capable of by witnessing its manifestation and experiencing the sensations and emotions associated with it. And, you’re learning in a way that is fun, effortless, and often fascinating.

The implications of this type of learning are quite profound, especially for children, though not necessarily obvious to adults. Children live in the moment from the very beginning, until they are taught to do it differently. The boxes are put in place early for most kids, some of them seem unavoidable. They might include ideas about practicality, fiscal responsibility, social norms and expectations, productivity, and many others. Some of the boxes seem helpful in that they create a framework for living together and building our societies. Others are not so helpful. When the question “Why do we do that?” is answered with “Because we’ve always done that”, there is an arbitrary restriction placed on any options, choice, or flow associated with that action.

More and more educators are realizing that children and adults learn most effectively when exposed to an experience using all of their senses. Children, of course, instinctively know this and go about the business of learning in the most natural way right from the start. Hearing a bell sound as you see your own hand shaking a bright colored toy right before putting it in your own mouth is definitely “sensual” education. If encouraged and allowed, children will continue to learn in this experiential manner into adulthood and throughout their entire lives. My six year old attends a school employing a progressive education model based on experiential learning. She’s doing great, loves to learn, and she loves going to school!"